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By Michael Brodkorb | February 16, 2007
Once again, the people of Minnesota can be thankful they've turned the reigns of power over to the DFL, as DFLers in the House and Senate have introduced another high priority bill I'll just call the "Freedom to Poop Act."
H.F. 1015 (or S.F. 140) requires private businesses to open up their bathrooms to certain folks who just gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now.
Any retailer that does not allow people with "eligible medical conditions" such as Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, or any other inflammatory bowel disease like irritable bowel syndrome or presumably "mud butt" would face a $100 fine for not allowing these noncustomers to use the bathroom at their establishment.
As I wrote earlier in the week on Saturday's radio show, King and I announced that we would create a new poll that would determine the most ridiculous piece of legislation introduced by the DFL in the Minnesota Legislature in the last thirty days.
King has posted the poll on his blog. As King wrote, the winner will be announced on our radio show on Saturday. The author of the bill will be invited to come on the show to talk about their bill.
I would expect the Freedom to Poop Act will be included in a new poll.
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February 16th, 2007 at 2:28 PM
I certainly hope our nanny state friends in the DFL will have the courage to appropriately amend this bill to include protections for our Minnesota men and women, our neighbors, suffering from Chronic Masturbation Syndrome. It seems unnecessary and tragic when there are unused conference rooms, offices and restrooms that those suffering from CMS would have to resort to relieving their symptoms in cars and alleyways.
In a session in which we are looking to ban cell phone use in cars, and now demand private businesses open their doors to ensure people don’t shit themselves, this obviously appropriate amendment would solve two serious problems:
First, it would end the dangers of motorbating, which studies show to be 10-20 times more dangerous than talking on a cell phone (yet still less dangerous than applying makeup on the Interstate).
Second, and more importantly, it would protect those suffering from CMS from the embarrassment of throwing down right there in public.
Surely, our compassionate DFL friends can find it in their oversized hearts to include this clearly appropriate provision in their “Freedom to Poop Act of 2007.â€
We’ll then call it the “Freedom to Poop and Jerk Act of 2007.”
February 16th, 2007 at 2:53 PM
What no one is noticing is what about the toliet paper??
Fine, you can use my restroom but the toilet paper will cost you.
Hey!!! there is only one Kahuna!!
February 16th, 2007 at 2:55 PM
Did I miss something here? Is Jim Abeler now a member of the DFL party? My understanding is that he is one of the sponsors of H.F. 1015. Am I wrong? Why doesn’t he share some of the blame for this?
February 16th, 2007 at 3:29 PM
By all means … it is much preferable to have people out there shitting themselves rather than being able to use a bathroom.
February 16th, 2007 at 3:34 PM
First timer, as a member of Abeler’s district. I would have to say he’s a die-hard ultra liberal posing as a Republican in a Republican district.
I actually voted for his DFL opponent Jess Langerud since if you’re going to be voting for a Democrat, you should at least have the nerve to vote for an ACTUAL Democrat.
It sounds funny but Langerud was more to the right then Abeler.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:06 PM
Michael – couldn’t help myself – emailed your copy to Souchery – hope you have been listening -absolutely hilarious – great job
February 16th, 2007 at 4:07 PM
Rudy: Thank you…I’ve been listening.
Thanks again!
February 16th, 2007 at 4:08 PM
And for the record…Abeler also voted for the Screw-Hennepin-County bill that dumped millions into Smilin’ Carl Pohlad’s pocket. Abeler deserves to get roasted. Fire away.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:09 PM
Joe Soucheray picked this up on Garage Logic and Rookie talked about “mud butt” several times.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mud+butt
They posed an interesting question since this law only applies to certain afflictions. How is a retailer to know who truly suffers from these problems?
They suggested that people suffering from these problems carry with them a “frequent pooper card” to establish their identity.
I hope the voters are watching.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:14 PM
Now they are talking about parking issues, and how malls and gas stations will have to have frequent pooper parking places.
This is way too funny.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:16 PM
I’m only amazed by one part of this: that the biggest RINOs of them all (Laura Brod, Ron Airhead Erhardt) aren’t also sponsors.
Nobody from Hennepin County is forgetting these worms. Nobody.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:27 PM
this smells
February 16th, 2007 at 4:27 PM
Is Jim Ramstad a closet democrat as well? Sure looks like it after the vote today! Well done, Jim!
February 16th, 2007 at 4:40 PM
“Haw haw haw,” said the aging white men.
I wonder which one of you gasbags is going to be the first to rupture a colon whilst passing a dose of karma. While septic shock sets in, your feces flowing freely inside of you, resulting in massive heart, lung, and kidney infections, think about “mud butt” and chuckle. They’ll soon be slipping a tube in you that’ll prevent that from ever happening, unless your colostomy bag overflows while you’re sitting in a chair.
Seriously, aging men cracking poop jokes is like an inmate on death row making fun of another inmate convulsing in the chair.
Just out of curiosity, how many of you chuckers are too squeamish to have a colonoscopy?
February 16th, 2007 at 5:00 PM
Do not forget “frequent pooper card†for illegal aliens – acceptable at any precinct near you – to poop and vote – to funny.
February 16th, 2007 at 5:15 PM
tom, you just don’t get it.
People like you start from the perspective that without Government intervention, the world would fall apart.
This is being mocked because imposing fines on retailer that don’t let people use their bathroom facilities is an hysterical overreach begging to be lampooned.
You can have compassion for folks that suffer from those ailments and still think it is out of line for the Government to impose a fine on Super America because they wouldn’t let a non-customer take a dump.
And does this happen to such an extent that it requires legislative activity?
Seems to me that a public awareness campaign directed towards retailers might be a better avenue than having state government impose fines.
The clerk at Target is an asshole if he doesn’t let the guy with any of these issues use the bathroom. But legislating against it reaches new heights in absurdity.
Don’t post on this site with your holier than though attitude and imply the people making fun of the legislation are making light of these diseases, ’cause it just ain’t so.
February 16th, 2007 at 5:20 PM
Will the bill become law?
Depends.
February 16th, 2007 at 5:54 PM
I don’t know, the state may want to re-think its position if this bill passes because of the threat secondhand poop fumes exposure might pose to those who don’t want to be exposed to it.
February 16th, 2007 at 6:32 PM
This is great stuff. You can’t make this us. It is just plain funny.
February 16th, 2007 at 6:35 PM
Where does the Poop lobby hang out? The Poo-dle Club? What happens when the republicans repeal the Freedom to Poop Act? Will the Septic Solidarity Movement congest/ congregate at the capital to protest alongside the DFL? How will the DFL power brokers deal with the emerging group led by the Young Turds, the name given to the cutting-edge vanguard of the new movement?
February 16th, 2007 at 6:37 PM
Well, he is what I suggest to show the absurdity of this bill.
1. Get a bunch of College Republicans to dress up like slobs. Show up at Ciresi’s firm and demand to use their private toilet facilities. Claim you have some condition. If they refuse, ask them why they are cruel haerted.
2. Show up at Lori Swanson’s office. Do the same thing. Listen to someone tell you how you can’t use her private bathroom because of safety concerns.
3. Go the Minnesota Supreme Court. Ask to use their private bathroom facilites because you have to go “real bad” Specifically ask to use Justice Page’s bathroom since he would no doubt think this os wonderful legislation.
4. Go up and down Uptown stores and shops and ask to use their private facilites. Make sure you are dressed like a slob or shady character so they can get used to all sorts of weirdos using their private bathrooms once this becomes law. If they say no ask them why they are opposed to the “downtrodden”.
5. Do the same in Emily Murphy’s district to all the good liberal business oweners.
6. repeat weekly until session is over.
February 16th, 2007 at 8:20 PM
[...] This card for H.F. 1015 (or S.F. 140) which requires private businesses to open up their bathrooms to certain folks who just gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now. Click here for more information on the Freedom to Poop Act. [...]
February 16th, 2007 at 8:47 PM
I hope this never passes. It would be way funnier for someone to just take a crap on the floor of the businesses that won’t let them use the can. I suppose next the badas* govt will make a law making that illegal.
February 16th, 2007 at 9:00 PM
Michael,
I’m surprised you haven’t figured out the angle on this one. The DFL and its affiliates are going to be busing in protestors by the tens of thousands during the Republican National Convention. These protestors won’t have a place to take a dump unless they drop some coin at a local watering hole, restaurant or other retailer in St. Paul. Under this bill, the protestors will be able to walk into any retailer or other establishment in St. Paul, do their business and then leave – all without spending any money. A wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am of sorts.
February 16th, 2007 at 9:13 PM
Coincidence this act comes but one day after Franken announces?
Sounds like dems are providing a little cover for Franken, because even they know he’s full of it.
February 16th, 2007 at 10:12 PM
Erhardt voted against the Stadium boondoggle…. Laura Brod voted for it. (Unless you are implying that Erhardt was on board with this legislation).
February 16th, 2007 at 10:16 PM
The other thing thats way cool is the number of people like me who don’t have any thing better to do on Friday night than talk about poop. Its so good to not be alone.
February 16th, 2007 at 10:31 PM
#24
Yeah I didn’t think of that. Pogemiller may have been told to get this legislation passed as soon as we found out about the RNC’s commitment to us for their convention. Republicans need to ammend the legislation to exclude agitators or members of national organizations that have the wherewithal to procure port a potties and the ability to direct their people to the port a potties. Maybe H.F. 1015 (or S.F. 140) are part of an agreement the city and national Dems came to in the negotiations sorrounding Harriet Island as the protest sandbox the Dems will be restricted to in 2008. Anyway the whole thing smells and I’m not above smearing the democrats with this frivolous wasteful legislation.
February 16th, 2007 at 10:32 PM
“Under this bill, the protestors will be able to walk into any retailer or other establishment in St. Paul, do their business and then leave – all without spending any money.”
It seems like this would make them fiscally responsible – able to stretch a dollar as it were. Something Republicans seem to have a hard time with these days, at least on the federal level.
February 16th, 2007 at 11:49 PM
Atilla, You must be a Democrat. Only Democrats would define fiscal responsibility as stealing other people’s things – like restrooms maintained for paying customers.
February 17th, 2007 at 8:00 AM
Dumbing it down, I get it. I’ve heard the nanny state bit ad nauseum, believe me I get it. What seems to escape all of you geniuses is how a bill like this would actually come about. Conservative, liberal, it doesn’t matter who the legislator is, this originated with a constituent, a real person, possibly of advancing age, who probably found themselves out of luck while searching for a good Samaritan one too many times.
Is that more plausible than say, a “poop lobby”?
I’m willing to bet this came from a constituent, and has little to do with the nanny state you all are sh*tting yourselves over.
February 17th, 2007 at 11:13 AM
Yes, Tom, we all understand the reality that disgruntled constitutents solicit their legislators to introduce bills to solve their personal problems, but that’s not the issue here.
The issue here is that a legislator, or, in this case, legislators, have bought into the idea that it is necessary for government to mandate that private establishments open their restrooms to individuals who have a certain medical condition, which, if you read the definition of the term in the bill, can be interpreted as pretty much anything.
Do you honestly believe that is the proper role of government? Most of us don’t believe the proper role of government is to address personal grievances. And it’s that type of discernment and judgment that separates good legislators from bad legislators.
February 17th, 2007 at 1:56 PM
A wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am of sorts
Or perhaps “wham-plog-thank-you-ma’am.
Will this bill cover casino’s or will the DFL protect them from this, too?
February 17th, 2007 at 4:00 PM
What would Freud say about all of you posters going ape-shit over this “story”?
And the “depends” joke was great! Well done, JGMPLS.
February 17th, 2007 at 5:41 PM
“tom” said: “Just out of curiosity, how many of you chuckers are too squeamish to have a colonoscopy?”
Pfft.
Sounds like an offer to stick his head up everyone’s ass and bring back a full report.
February 17th, 2007 at 6:10 PM
#30
Chris-
I’m as right wing as they come don’t insult me. And I’m not stealing anything – the can would still be there when i was done. Since when is getting something for nothing bad?
February 17th, 2007 at 9:57 PM
Pfft, your sentiments are right on par with the 5th grade mentality that predominates this thread.
You know Swiftee, my money is on a real a**hole like you being the first of the bunch to go crying to the gastroenterologist.
February 18th, 2007 at 1:32 PM
Hello Tom,
If 5th graders hold democrats accountable for spendthrift, irresponsible, jug-head, dishonest, coercsive, spurious legislation then yes count me among those 5th graders. The Dems are once again arrogantly trying to increase the budget over the wise 8 percent recommended by moderates. The whole Vote Yes for 40% legislation is now being used to justify higher taxes for transportation now that so much is legislated to go to Light Rail. The Dems have a pattern of coersive dishonest budget tactics. It is in their culture.
This session sensible people have to wade through mounds of poor sewage-quality ill-thought-out legislation as participants in democracy. I don’t have the time. Add to that the possiblilty of ulterior motive as in the case of H.F. 1015 (or S.F. 140) and it’s the Dems who look stupid not this blog. Even one of your own guys, Mark Gysleson on norwegianity.com says some minnesota lobbyists are a bane and should wear identifying pink hairnets.
February 19th, 2007 at 10:50 AM
[...] In a series of posts and accompanying comments over at the Minnesota Democrats Exposed website, the legislation is discussed with the usual tenor of respect and civility that we’ve grown to expect from the close advisors to our Republican lawmakers. [...]
February 19th, 2007 at 11:00 AM
It would seem to me to be a matter of human feeling and common courtesy to allow ill persons immediate relief. Why such legislation should be necessary is, I believe, revealed in your callous mockery of people struggling with illness. I agree that it’s sad that the law must compel some of us to behave decently, but that’s the breaks, eh?
Then again, I’ve been there and you apparently haven’t.
February 19th, 2007 at 1:20 PM
So it’s ok to mock fat people, Holocaust victims, the menstrual cycle of teenage girls, Catholics, and a whole host of other people (see the entire career of Al Frankenfraud). But it’s not okay to mock unnecessary legislation? If you really care about disabled people, you wouldn’t limit the legislation to businesses. Why should someone with IBS walking their dog in your neighborhood be prohibited from using your bathroom? The point is you fakers are all feigning sadness and incredulity. But what’s really fake is your bogus notion that the DFL is the only party that cares about sick people.
February 20th, 2007 at 5:46 PM
You’re absolutely right, people with disabilities and chronic illnesses should be given absolutely no consideration for those conditions. That’s why my hobby is going around town and taking a sledgehammer to every wheelchair ramp I see. I also, when possible, file down the Braille on elevator buttons.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:18 PM
what if the bathroom is already occupied by someone with one of
these disabilities? Will the store get sued for not having enough bathrooms? Women take forever any way! and what if a women comes
in with a needy child at the same time another needy person requires the bathroom-who trumps whom?
March 8th, 2007 at 7:02 PM
How sad that this country has become a nation of ill mannered, sophmoric joking, ego stroking, selfish and uncaring people. We will deserve what we ultimately get.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:31 AM
[...] many skits and imitations on “Garage Logic” Janice …http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_SoucherayDFL LEGISLATORS INTRODUCE HIGH PRIORITY &8220FREEDOM TO POOP ACT&8221 …Joe Soucheray picked this up on garage logic and rookie talked about &8220mud butt&8221 several [...]