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WARNING: EXCERPTS OF FRANKEN’S GRAPHIC PLAYBOY COLUMN
By Michael B. Brodkorb | May 19, 2008
Please read excerpts of Al Franken’s Playboy column released today by the Republican Party of Minnesota after the page break. This material is very graphic.
“I’m talking, of course, about the Internet, which is a terrific learning tool. For example, a couple years ago, when he was 12, my son used the Internet for a sixth grade report on bestiality. Joe was able to download some effective visual aids, which the other students in his class just loved. See, at that age the kids are sponges!” Source: Al Franken, Playboy, January 2000
###
“At first I thought it was my imagination, but when Dr. DeVine escorted me into the virtual reality room, she seemed to be coming on to me. She allowed her bodacious breasts to brush against my face as shelowered me into the prototype of the Virtu-Screw 2000. ‘How does that feel?’ she cooed. I didn’t know if she was referring to the Naugahyde bucket seat or to the two erect nipples pushing through her white lab coat and nearly poking my eyes out.
Then Dr. DeVine placed the Virtu-Screw helmet over my head. Sitting in the pitch dark, I felt slightly vulnerable but also excited. Sheasked me which setting I wanted. Since I’ve been married 23 years, I naturally chose ‘blow job.’ My chair abruptly tilted backward, and I ‘felt’ my pants being unzipped. If I hadn’t known I was sitting in the most state-of-the-art virtual reality sex machine, I would have sworn that a real woman’s hand had pulled my cock from my pants.
My nervousness disappeared, and I sat back and enjoyed the amazingly realistic cyber job. It was every bit as good as the last real blow job I had gotten 23 years earlier-if not better-because when I shot my wad, the virtual mouth swallowed.” Source: Al Franken, Playboy, January 2000
###
“I found myself extremely attracted to the vulnerable side of this sexy scientist, and when I offered to comfort her, she accepted, kissing me full on the lips and inserting her tongue into my mouth and moving it around suggestively. Then she reached down and started rubbing my crotch, and within just five or ten minutes my cock was again hard and ready for action.
That’s when Dr. DeVine took my hand in her other hand, and said, ‘If you think VRS is the future, wait until you see this.’
While still rubbing my crotch, Dr. DeVine led me through the Future wing to the Sexbot room. Once inside I was surprised to see a vinyl blowup doll wearing crotchless panties.
Dr. DeVine explained that the blow-up doll was the prototype for the Sexbot, and scientists at the IPS keep her around to remind themselves just how far they have come and how far they have to go.
And indeed they do have a long way to go. The most current Sexbot prototype, Connie, while quite attractive, has moving parts made of plastic and metal alloys and is considered quite dangerous. In fact, as a futurist, Dr. DeVine believes that the first Sexbots to hit the market will result in class-action suits filed by severely injured men.
That’s why Dr. DeVine urged me to forgo Connie and introduced me to Wilhelmina, a beautiful young German-born researcher who, while human, more closely approximates the Sexbot of the 22nd century. Wilhelmina escorted me to a private room with a bed and removed her clothes.If this is what Sexbots will look like a hundred years from now, I envy my great-great-grandsons. We made passionate love for two or three minutes before being joined by Dr. DeVine, who wanted to make the point that Sexbots will be used for threesomes.
I could describe the incredible sex the three of us had, but this is a piece of journalism about the future of pornography and not one of those cheesy letters from a horny reader. Suffice it to say that everyone came several times, except me, who came only once.” Source: Al Franken, Playboy, January 2000
Topics: Uncategorized | 57 Comments »
57 Responses to “WARNING: EXCERPTS OF FRANKEN’S GRAPHIC PLAYBOY COLUMN”
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May 19th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
And some people say there’s nothing special about having a Harvard education.
May 19th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
I already thought this guy was disgusting, but this is beyond the pale. He can’t say this was some stupid thing he did back in college. This is not going to play well in most Minnesotan’s minds. I am only 24 but this is not what I want from a U.S. Senator.
May 19th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
The nut job lefties here will find a way to blame it on the accountant.
May 19th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I have the Playbo Interview CD-Rom and have read a number of the interviews. I saw no profanity or baudiness. (With the exceptions of Jimmy Carter’s “lust” comments)
May 19th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
This shows that Angry Al never thought he’d be senator someday, and ya know, he was right. The left got a big tee-hee out of Pawlenty’s innocent joke – can’t wait to see them choke on this filth!
May 19th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Yep. The only people I want in office are those who are born thinking that they want to be a senator some day, and as such, they spend their days avoiding any form of controversy or critical thought.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I guess for liberals what Angry Al did here was “critcal thought”. Geez your sick Leroy…
May 19th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Anybody know the firm Al hired to do the oppo research on himself? They appear to be incompetent and probably grossly overpaid.
May 19th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Speaking of incompetent and overpaid, I’m going to bet that Al Franken did his own opposition research.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I recall Al on Almanac bragging about his oppo research on himself as if the fact that he had that done it should insulate him from criticism on the tax issues. After all, if the oppo boys couldn’t find it, then it obviously doesn’t exist as a legitimate issue. A little naive.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Good news for my side: At least this is too dirty to be easily used as attack ad material.
Well, I can’t put anything by the GOP hit machine.
Jeez.
May 19th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Does anyone think Franken can possibly get elected?
May 19th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Wait until the rest is posted…I hear the part where Al gets a sexbot shoved up his Leroy is a real show stopper.
May 19th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Michael the way you emphasized the ‘naughty’ words reminds me of a 4 year old. Oh no he said crotch and blowjob, and wait breasts? OMG!!
its sad you guys can’t find legitimate reasons for Franken not to be elected. I am waiting for the day where you post something about either 1. Norm Coleman doing something good(which he does but you just won’t cover it) and 2. you write something about Al which has nothing to do with things he did 5 years in the past.
Honest question, will you people be happy with yourselves after Norm gets re-elected purely on Al’s ability to be a creep and schmuck? is that what Minnesota politics is all about? The worst part is you people are adults. its laughable, at least we don’t have to worry about you guys who post on here being our next generation of politicians, Michael is no doubt the youngest of all of you douchebags, ie swifty, chestnut, and wait where is Walter Hanson these days, did he finally kick the bucket?
May 19th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
apparently yoni is new to mde. franken has done plenty of things within the last 5 years that show his values and character. during the last five years, franken has: on the positive, performed for the troops overseas; on the negative, he has shown himself to be a tax evader, biased against asians, failed talkshow host, and against working people by not insuring them as required by law.
with coleman, he has cast many votes during the last five years and you can decide if you agree/disagree with him values and positions based on those votes.
franken has never had to stand up to the scrutiny of defending anything other than his behavior–i.e. when asked about the tax evasion issues, his response is to blame someone else and then, hiding behind privacy laws, not allowing the people he is accusing of the problem to defend themselves. this is what you want for a senator???
May 20th, 2008 at 1:05 am
this is what you want for a senator???
Of course not. But Norm shouldn’t re-elected only because Al is an idiot. What has Norm done to prove he should be brough back? Can’t we just say that NEITHER are fit to be US senators? Franken’s a flat out moron, Coleman’s a sleezy political oppurtunist who will do anything to be elected! I never thought I’d say this, but I’d vote for Jesse Ventura if runs! At least he’s not as stupid as Franken or sleezy as Coleman.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:49 am
Monday afternoon (5-19-2008) “the Republican Party of Minnesota (MN GOP) released a graphic column” of which MDE’s Michael B. Brodkorb (MBB), writes [5-19-2008] that the material is “shocking.”
“The MN GOP… did provide it” [the column] “to reporters who asked for a copy.”
MBB wrote that he contacted the Director of MN GOP Communications, Director Mark Drake, for Brodkorb’s [shocking, graphic, personal] copy.
MBB has recently been listed as a “political blogger.” This description is perhaps how he qualified to receive the column from Drake.
MBB has written to “Please check back” to MDE “for more information on this developing story.”
MBB wrote “The material is shocking, but I will be posting excerpts…”
………….WARNING: SEX SELLS……………..
Q. Does Jack Nelson-Pallmeyer want to get MEDIA attention to talk about an ISSUES?
A. TOO BAD, SEX SELLS
MAYBE MIKE Ciresi can MEET and MINGLE with the MAJORITY of MINNESOTA folks in the MIDDLE even though SEX, SEXY, & CELEBRITY SELLS!
May 20th, 2008 at 2:16 am
I predict that a new candidate will enter the primary if Al is endorsed and will blow him away. Guess who??
May 20th, 2008 at 6:39 am
I’ve got a deal for you Mikey. Let’s have a contest: You count up all the naughty words Al Franken has said, and I’ll count up all the soldiers Norm Coleman has sent to an early grave with his votes for the Bush-McCain-Coleman war in Iraq. The winner is the loser.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Hey, did you read the reviews of Lynn Cheney’s lesbian book?
***
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
181 of 208 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Leaves you panting for more!, February 20, 2003
By A Customer
This story of a Washington wife who leaves her powerful husband to join a women’s commune is charged with the kind of eroticism you just don’t expect from the Second Lady of the United States of America. I was amazed at how graphically Ms. Cheney details the commune’s daily “massage classes” and their predictable free-for-all aftermaths, while at the same time delivering a devastating critique of phallocentric discourse in modern culture.
***
WOW!!!
Lynn Cheney gets a pass for writing a lesbian book, but Franken gets ripped for writing a hetero column.
Typical “consistent inconsistency”, from the party of Family Values.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:47 am
What office is Lynn Cheney running for?
May 20th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Lynn Cheney is not running for office.
Please disregard previous post. Obviously, your point is that only the publications of those running for office are open for discussion – and I’ll go along with that.
That said, Franken’s writings were in Playboy magazine, which many, Many, MANY politicans have been in – remember Jesse “The Mind” Ventura’s commentary concerning religion in said magazine?
My point here, is that it was in a legal publication which has a sexually oriented nature.
Those that are offended by stark sexual language, shouldn’t have bought a magazine of a stark, sexual nature.
Or, taken the handout from the Republican Party of Minnesota.
Or, opened the link to this thread.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Norm Exposer, when compiling your list of Coleman votes, be sure to compile a list of Democrats who voted with him (Hint: 99 percent of the Democrat Senators did).
BTW — those soldiers fought and died for a worthy cause. Fuck you for suggesting otherwise.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Let’s see, Franken has been faithfully married to his wife for decades, while each day we have the faux family values crowd cheating on their spouses. Just yesterday the congresscritter from ?New York said he won’t run again.
In the Republican Party, it is not about how you treat people, it is about how you tell other people they should act.
Hell, McCain committed adultry on his first wife and left her and the kids for a much younger and richer bride, but at least he didn’t write smut for Playboy!
May 20th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Q. What OFF-VICES might Lynn Cheney be running FOUR?
A. Foursome:
1. Lynn Cheney
2. Al Franken
3. Laurie Coleman
4. Michael B. Brodkord
Here’s the problem:
Lynn Cheney, wife of Republican Vice-President, Dick Cheney, writes a novel, Sisters, that according to CNN.com a copy in “acceptable” condition is selling for $695.95, in part, because of the graphic lesbian love scenes.
[Novel was previously written and is no longer in print.]
Al Franken’s Playboy column or excerpts was handed out to reporters who requested a copy.
Michael Brodkorb keyed in the “shocking” excerpts on his blog and asked people to keep following the developing story.
Laurie Coleman, wife of Republican Senator Norm Coleman, is an actress, model, etc. and as such has taken on make-believe poses and roles.
The Coleman’s have also used Norm’s status as a USA Senator in the ad for the BLO and GO hair dryer holster.
Republicans point fingers at the Democrats, and the Democrats point fingers at the Republicans.
Add actor, Governor, Jesse Ventura, and his exploits and book passages to the mix, and Senator Dean Barkley’s whatever people make of it, and there is a TRI-PARTISAN, SIXSOME.
May 20th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Chesnut,
The vast majority of democraats voted against the war. The Senate caved, but in general, democrats voted against the war.
You have no idea what sacrifice means. You throw a sticker on your bumper and think you have sacrificed. You post on a stupid blog and think you have sacrificed. Maybe you even, heaven forbid, gave up golf! I am an Iraq War Vet, and we don’t need Chicken Hawk cowards like you defending us.
Now say something funny!
Love,
Alec
May 20th, 2008 at 9:12 am
[continued) - List with better spelling
....SEX SELLS.....
Michael B. Brodkorb
Laurie Coleman
Al Franken
Lynn Cheney
Jesse Ventura
Dean Barkley
May 20th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Almost half of the Democrat House voted ‘Yea’ for the Iraq use of force question:
Yeas Nays PRES NV
Republican 215 6 2
Democratic 81 126 1
Independent 1
TOTALS 296 133 3
Love,
Swiftee
May 20th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Say, “el p”?
We appreciate the improved spelling, and hate to be picky but can you work on your sense of reason now?
Thanks, bud.
May 20th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Say, Alec?
I believe I read that Chestnut is a veteran. A veteran, by definition, cannot be a chickenhawk.
Chestnut, can you confirm?
May 20th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Puddles, I thought Michael requested yesterday that no more discussion take place about your so called military service. Glad to see your opening the door for others to once again comment on it.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:33 am
rePete, go back and re-read what Michael actually said. Obviously, you have a problem with comprehension.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Maybe some of you lefty’s missed this part. Read it carefully, or have your mommy do it for you:
“I’m talking, of course, about the Internet, which is a terrific learning tool. For example, a couple years ago, when he was 12, my son used the Internet for a sixth grade report on bestiality. Joe was able to download some effective visual aids, which the other students in his class just loved. See, at that age the kids are sponges!†Source: Al Franken, Playboy, January 2000
Anyone who would defend a guy who says this kind of shit about his own kid is an even bigger scumbag than Franken is.
Say, dolt #1? That goes triple for you, jagoff.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:07 am
“Scumbag”?
Hey, if you say so, NotSoSwiftly – if there ever was an expert scumbag, it would be you.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Chickenhawk may mean a person who has never personally been in a war zone.
One can check out the dictionaries, on-line dictionaries, etc.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Swiftee,
What is “sense” of reasoning?
May 20th, 2008 at 11:41 am
el p,
The New Hampshire Gazette is the authoritative source on chickenhawks. Here’s their definition:
“Chickenhawk n. A person enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it; particularly when that enthusiasm is undimmed by personal experience with war; most emphatically when that lack of experience came in spite of ample opportunity in that person’s youth.”
A veteran, by definition, cannot be a chickenhawk.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:55 am
“el p”, I’m referring to your intellectual interpretation of reason, or more precisely the apparent lack thereof.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Alec said: “Chesnut, The vast majority of democrats voted against the war.”
Norm Coleman wasn’t in the Senate yet, so he didn’t vote for it. But he voted with 99 percent of the Democrats who (rightly) have continued to vote for funding the war and supporting the troops with equipement.
“You have no idea what sacrifice means.”
Don’t you fucking tell me what I know, bitch. I served for 9 years you miserable dink. Fuck you.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
… and thanks Tommy, yes. I served… and you all already know that I think the label “chicken hawk” is proffered by intellectually stunted pussies who can’t make a real argument.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Chestnut, thank you for your service.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Right back at you.
May 20th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Well, enough of this. Regular Readers and imPosters are gonna get the wrong idea.
You wanna curse me first??!?
May 20th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Chestnut is the kind of guy Swiftee shares beer with. Dolt #1? Not in this lifetime.
May 20th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
All I know is the photo over at Look True North needs to be plastered everywhere! This guy gives idiots a bad name.
May 20th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Suggesting that Franken’s every day conversations are like his satire is like suggesting that Laurie Coleman dresses like this for dinner every day:
http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/images/I35864-2004Aug26L
May 20th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Say, exposer?
Here’s your very own copy, suitable for framing. If you want, I’d be happy to autograph it for you.
May 20th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
With a big ol’ “X” NotSoSwiftly? Better put the crack pipe down first.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Well Swiftee, I you have given you opportunity to write about [to be heard] about your definition of the word ” ’sense’ of reason’ as it was used in your sentence.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
That should have been ” ’sense’ of reason”
May 20th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Say, “el p”? If you’re going to get chuffed about syntax, you’d better invest in spell check yourself. K?
May 20th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Of course there are those that might say it’s unfair of me to strip you of your only rhetorical weapon.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Words as weapons, crossing swords, may have its time and place but, usually not so much of the time as many people sometimes think.
I think that a goal of words to further understanding(s) is more statesperson like, and generally more satisfying, if it is possible to do.
May 21st, 2008 at 6:21 am
I think all of us ChickenHawks on this comment section owe Chestnut a beer!
May the 101st Fighting Keyboardists, led by Chestnut, rain down on Alec’s head!! At least until he stops lending his honorable service to the despicible Franken.
Franken I might add is Pro-War. But even if he were not, I can’t imagine any soldier currently in the Mideast or planning to be there who would feel more comfortable under any other leader let alone a Democrat leader. Democrats stood for appeasement and defeat often at the expense of the soldiers. Bush has created an amazing historical legacy and Coleman will rightfully benefit from it for supporting Bush. Bush has transformed the world for the better.
If you want to spin it otherwise you better get busy.
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
[...] here to read excerpts of Franken’s graphic Playboy [...]
May 24th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
[...] UPDATE #3: Mark Drake, Communications Director of the Republican Party of Minnesota, was a guest starting at 4:00 p.m. to talk about Al Franken’s graphic Playboy column. [...]
August 4th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
[...] funnier today than it was in 2000 when Al Franken wrote for Playboy for money. Let’s face it: Al Franken didn’t just write for Playboy. He made a conscious decision to write about porn and how much he loved to treat women as [...]