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FRANKEN CLAIMS HE’S GONE “TOO FAR”; MY QUESTION: WHICH SKIT/JOKE WAS CROSSED THAT LINE?
By Michael B. Brodkorb | September 23, 2008
In Al Franken’s latest non-apology apology campaign ad, he claims that “sometimes I’ve gone too far…” My question is which joke or skit was “too” far? I’ve compiled a list of Franken skits from press releases and other sources. Please review the complete list after the page break.
Franken’s Leslie Stahl rape comment: “And, ‘I give the pills to Lesley Stahl. Then, when Lesley’s passed out, I take her to the closet and rape her.’ Or, ‘That’s why you never see Lesley until February.’ Or, ‘When she passes out, I put her in various positions and take pictures of her.’”      (“Comedy Isn’t Funny: Saturday Night Live At Twenty—How The Show That Transformed TV Became A Grim Joke,” New York Magazine, March 13, 1995)
Franken jokes about date rape. “Yeah, I screwed a girl who was vomiting once.†(“Al Franken Show,†10.18.2006)
Franken Calls Coulter A Lying Bitch. “Even people Coulter considers friends say she’s ‘a lying bitch,’ ‘a horror show of epic proportions,’ ‘oh, the poor thing,’ and ‘a bitch.’â€Â (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, 2003, p. 16)
Wrote Skit About Murder Of Lesbians. “[Franken and Davis] created a parody of TV cop shows called ‘Ex-Police’ (sometimes they called is ‘X-Police’) in which Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray played rouge cops who had been thrown off the force for excessive violence…In one episode, they barged into an apartment shared by two women and, assuming they were lesbians, battered one and murdered the other. ‘Another homosexuality related death, they said as they walked out. The sketch provoked dozens of outraged letters from gay groups and other who wanted to know what was so funny about killing homosexuals.â€Â    (Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, Saturday Night; A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live, Beech Tree Books, 1986, p. 161)
Franken To GLBT Group “You Don’t Have To Pay Me; All You Have To Do Is Send A Girl To My Room†– “At Least Two.†“Comedian Al Franken returned to his hometown Saturday to address the annual fundraising dinner for the Human Rights Campaign, a national GLBT lobbying organization. ‘â€You don’t have to pay me; all you have to do is send a girl to my room,â€â€™ Franken said he told the HRC. ‘And they did. But she turned out to be a lesbian. Great! Next time you do that, could you at least send two?’ (J.H.)†(Rick Nelson; John Habich; Claude Peck; Chris Riemenschneider, “Item World: Local News And Views,†Star Tribune, September 28, 2001)
Franken Jokes About Senators Hillary Clinton & Barbara Boxer. “Well, if Dick Cheney were here, I’m sure he’d tell you all to go f*ck yourselves. In the interview about that, he said, [impersonating Dick Cheney] ‘ah, it made me feel good. Ah, I don’t regret it, it was just a little misreported, not that I did say ‘Go f*ck yourself,’ but what wasn’t reported was some of the other stuff I said. I told Barbara Boxer to eat me, I told Hillary Clinton to sit on this and spin, it’s about time someone said that to her.’â€Â  (“Al Franken: God Spokeâ€, New Video Group, 2007, 11:53)
Franken Jokes about Porn and Jobs. “Most people don’t realize how many jobs are created by one porno film. Of course, we immediately think of actresses and actors. But what about the technicians who do the lighting and sound? Porno films provide many of the crucial entry level jobs that are so important to expanding our workforce. And how about the fluffer? Don’t know about the fluffer? Well, let’s see. How do I put this? The fluffer is a woman, usually, who works off camera. Her Job is to keep the male actor aroused. And she does this, I am told, orally. Hey, it’s a job!†[at the bottom of the page] “Mr. Franken is a regular contributor to Juggs Magazine†(Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot, 1996, pp. 74-75)
Franken writes fictional chapter about Gingrich and others in Vietnam:Â “‘You number one G.I. I fuck you till tomorrow. I suck you all night long,’ sighed the pouty sex kitten.” (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, 2003, p. 62)
“Among My More Morbid Diversions Is Collecting Stories Of Tragic Gun Accidents In The Home.” (Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh Is A Big, Fat Idiot And Other Observations, 1996, p. 100)
“I personally remember expressing mock outrage in 1993 over a brutal bludgeoning in Missouri I had read about. But I was really just posturing to make it seem like I was a decent person with actual feelings for human beings.†(Al Franken, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them p.182)
Franken Says Profiling During Security Screening “Common Sense.†“When asked how he feels about airline security, Franken relayed a rather controversial opinion as his answer: ‘I’m happy to be delayed … I like all the security that you can get, and I get to the airport way ahead of time. I don’t understand the reluctance to profile young Arab men. I know this might be controversial … and I have been traveling a lot, and I do meet young Arab men who say, “Yeah, you know, sure — I feel better.†So I don’t understand why a 30-year-old mother with two kids in a stroller are put through the kind of delays, and people who sort of fit — I hate to say it — the profile of a hijacker aren’t necessarily randomly pulled over. And that may be controversial, but I think it’s kind of common sense.’†(Kathleen McLeod, “The World According To Al Franken,†United Press International, March 4, 2002)
Franken: “Nobody Likes Getting An Abortion. Except, Perhaps, Rape Victims. It’s just that pro-choice people know that sometimes women get pregnant when they aren’t ready to have a child.â€Â (Al Franken, The Truth (With Jokes, Plume, p. 124, 2006)
Then: Franken Suggests Putting Taxes On “Every Shotgun†Gun Owners’ “Don’t Need.†“But I have a good idea. Let’s get the money from people like Phil Gramm. Let’s put a little extra tax on every shotgun he doesn’t need.†(Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh Is A Big, Fat Idiot, p. 102, Island Books, paperback edition, 1996)
Franken: “In a household with a gun, even more dangerous than the curious child is, of course, the angry spouse. That’s really the reason why I won’t allow a gun in the house. PMS.†(Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh Is A Big, Fat Idiot And Other Observations, 1996, p. 101)
Sometimes, you can’t work across the aisle. “A really nice article today in the New York Times about Patrick Kennedy and Jim Ramstad. Jim Ramstad is a congressman from actually from the district I grew up in, in Minnesota, and he’s a Republican—This is like bipartisan day—anyway, he is a, as you all know Patrick Kennedy drove his car into a barrier at the capitol and put himself into rehab because he’s an alcoholic. And Jim Ramstad, a recovering alcoholic, has become his sponsor, and the only reason they announced it, I guess it was in the court documents or something like that. And it talk about some of the other congressmen who go to AA meetings, who meet and they kept their anonymity but I think it was a beautiful, beautiful story, and again, the spirit that a senator like John Danforth, who really reached across the aisle but in productive ways and sometimes you can’t reach across the aisle when the other side is full of monsters. And I say that in the most bipartisan way you possibly can.†(“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 14, 2006.)
Described Religion As A “Crutch.â€Â “I don’t care what kind of nonsense you believe, I can tell you that religion will be a crutch which you can lean upon in times of adversity.†(Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! p. 47, Plume, paperback edition, 2002)
Franken Jokes About Racial Profiling, Says White People Need To Commit More Crimes. “SINGLED OUT New Jersey officials recently admitted that some state troopers used race as a factor in pulling over motorists. We gave comedians an hour to come up with their best joke on the issue. …Al Franken: The only solution I can see is for white people to start committing more crimes.†(Harriet Barovick, Hilary Hylton, Lina Lofaro, Tam Gray, David Spitz and Flora Tartakovsky, “Komedy Korner,†Time Magazine, May 10, 1999)
Franken Joked About Killing Of Gay Man. “He recalled writing a skit called ‘Seamen on Broadway’ that was rejected from the Hasty Pudding show “by some preppie so they could take some other preppie’s skit.’ Franken started to smile again, but his tone was serious, too serious. ‘It’s not preppies, cause I’m a preppie myself. I just don’t like homosexuals. If you ask me, they’re all homosexuals in the Pudding. Hey, I was glad when that Pudding homosexual got killed in Philadelphia.’ The smile became so broad it pushed his eyes shut. He couldn’t stand it any longer. ‘Put that in, put that in,’ Franken laughed, leaning over the desk. ‘I’d love to see that in The Crimson.’â€Â (Richard S. Lee, “Live From New York: It’s Al Franken,†The Harvard Crimson, April 16, 1976)
Rebuked For Joke About Child Abuse. “[Franken and Davis] wrote a sketch called ‘Stunt Baby’ in which an infant stand-in (actually a doll) was thrown repeatedly against walls and furniture in a child-beating scene for a movie. That provoked one viewer to write ‘I once had a sister, but now I don’t – my father beat her to death. I didn’t find your show the least bit funny.’ That didn’t keep [Franken and Davis] from following ‘Stunt Baby’ with ‘Stunt Puppy.’ They were going to write a third episode called ‘Stunt Grandmother’ but never got around to it. †(Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, Saturday Night; A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live, Beech Tree Books, 1986, p. 162)
Franken slams the Pope. “And of course now there are the threats to kill the Pope from, but that’s just from the very nutty Muslims who are the caricature that the Pope was talking about, but I thought they picked, I thought when they picked the Pope they picked like one of the smartest cardinals.†Randi Rhodes: “They picked what?†Franken: “I thought when the other Cardinals would get together and they picked the smartest cardinal, but evidently not.†Rhodes: “They picked the most German cardinal.†Franken laughing: “Well, that time they picked the most German cardinal.â€Â       (“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 19, 2006.)
Franken doesn’t believe Jesus is God; considers the possibility of Jesus being crazy. “I am at a Christian Coalition event, this is in like 1996, and I find the people there very nice, a lot of them. So I got about 15-20 people there around me and we’re having a conversation and I tell them why I don’t like prayer in school, and I said for example, I don’t believe Jesus is God, so I don’t want to do a prayer where Jesus is God, and a guy says to me, ‘are you calling Jesus a liar’, and I said I don’t think so, and he said ‘Jesus said, when you look upon me, you look upon the Father’ and I said ‘ok, there a number of possibilities here, first of all, it could be a misquote, secondly, Jesus could have thought he was God and just been crazy, or he could have been saying when you look upon anyone you see the father, that there is God in all of us.†(“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 25, 2006.)
Franken mocks religion. “Praise MaHaKaKa, that’s my God.†(“The Al Franken Show, Air America Radio, September 25, 2006.)
Franken: “Republicans Are Shameless Dicks. No, That’s Not Fair.  Republican Politicians Are Shameless Dicks.â€Â (Al Franken, The Truth (With Jokes), Plume, p. 58, 2006)
Franken Joked His Next Book Will Be Called “I F*cking Hate Those Right-Wing Motherf*ckers!â€Â “But you know, I don’t want to get into a whole partisan politics thing here. Not in this book, anyway. We’ll leave that for my next book, I F*cking Hate Those Right-Wing Motherf*ckers!, due out in October 2004. I’m hoping it will ‘fire up the troops’ for the final weeks of the campaign season.†(Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, p. 115 2003)
“We learned that the stereotype is true: Asian people are good at tea-bagging.†(“The Al Franken Show,†Air America Radio, October 2, 2006)
Jokes That Troops Are “Dying For No Reason.†7:25 Franken: “Your President lied to you and you are dying for no reason.â€Â  (Transcript, “Last Call with Carson Daly,†NBC, July 20, 2004)
“What we’ve done in the region is, basically the war in Iraq is over and Iran won.â€Â   (Speaking at the University of St. Thomas, April 12, 2007)
Franken Attacks Coleman Marriage. “On Saturday the crowd of about 500 Minnesotans was hungry for Grade A red meat with a side of invective, and Mr. Franken did not disappoint. He pointed out that he had been married for 30 years and said, ‘If I get in a debate with Norm Coleman, I plan on asking him, ‘Don’t you want two people to have what you and your wife have?’’ He paused as the roar grew in acknowledgement of the fact that Senator Coleman and his wife, Laurie, spend significant amounts of time apart because of her acting career.†(David Carr, “Comedian For Senator? Don’t Laugh,†New York Times, June 15, 2005)
Franken jokes about Rushford flood. 9:00 Franken spills water. The other man says, “It’s only water.†Franken replies “That’s what they said in Rushford.â€Â (Al Franken, Winona State University, November 3, 2007)
Franken Gets Bleeped. 2:46. “All it was, if you expressed, if you showed the other side, if you like gave air time to someone who said, you know, ‘we’re going to win the war very easily because of the Clinton military, but after we win the war, there may be some problems,’ you know, a right wing person watching, you know, Fox commentators, would go like ‘you F-[bleeped] traitor! How dare you say that?! They’re going to greet us with flowers. They’re going to go hooray for America!’â€Â   (Transcript, “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,†Comedy Central, September 9, 2003)
More Demeaning Comments About Women. 1:58 “I saw [Greta VanSusteran] actually at the Radio and TV Correspondent…you know, all these TV people from competing news channels like each other. She was having cocktails with Connie Chung but I couldn’t tell them apart.â€Â  (Transcript, “Real Time with Bill Maher,†HBO, September 5, 2003)
Jokes To Troops About Casualties In Kosovo. 5:18 “You know, we were, back in the United States, very worried about you guys when we were fighting here in Kosovo and Americans just did not was to take any casualties and because of that, I know you’re very circumscribed, but fortunately, there were no causalities her, but you’ll be happy to know since 9/11, Americans are now willing to take casualties here in Kosovo.â€Â   (Transcript, “Fresh Air,†National Public Radio, April 30, 2002)
“We don’t mind if you get killed, ha, ha, ha.†5:50 (Transcript, “Fresh Air,†National Public Radio, April 30, 2002)
“I don’t know why [John McCain] is so obsessed with torture. “Or like the other Republicans on the committee, like Chairman Warner, John Warner of Virginia, who was Secretary of the Navy at one point. Like John McCain, who… I don’t know why he’s so interested in this torture thing, McCain. He just seems to have like a… I don’t know, got like something, some chip on his shoulder about torture.â€Guest: “He became obsessed with torture while he was being tortured in Vietnam.†Franken: “That’s a theory, that’s a theory, that’s a theory. I like that theory. That’s a theory.†(“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 15, 2006.)
Jokes About Talmud Discussing Mark Foley. “Today is Yom Kippur and according to the Talmud, Jews are supposed to spend today atoning for their sins, reflecting on matters of the soul and avoiding all work and even contact with any machinery. However, the Talmud also notes that liberal radio comedians are exempt from the rule if a Republican congressman sexually harasses a bunch of teenage boys. So we’ll do a show today.â€Â (“The Al Franken Show,†Air America Radio, October 2, 2006)
Thought Skit Of Assassination Of Ted Kennedy “Was Hilarious.† “A similar idea [Al Franken and Tom Davis] had that never made it on the air was a David Susskind talk show featuring four guests who wanted to assassinate Ted Kennedy…[Franken and Davis] thought the piece was hilarious and explained its point: ‘It’s about how much insanity there is, about how stupid and out of control is all is.’â€Â    (Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, Saturday Night; A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live, Beech Tree Books, 1986, p. 161-162)
Rebuked For Joke About Child Abuse. “[Franken and Davis] wrote a sketch called ‘Stunt Baby’ in which an infant stand-in (actually a doll) was thrown repeatedly against walls and furniture in a child-beating scene for a movie. That provoked one viewer to write ‘I once had a sister, but now I don’t – my father beat her to death. I didn’t find your show the least bit funny.’ That didn’t keep [Franken and Davis] from following ‘Stunt Baby’ with ‘Stunt Puppy.’ They were going to write a third episode called ‘Stunt Grandmother’ but never got around to it. †(Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, Saturday Night; A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live, Beech Tree Books, 1986, p. 162)
Offends With Joke About Brain Tumor Death. “Another time [Franken and Davis] did a stand-up routine in which Franken was dying of a brain tumor and wanted to tell one last joke. He made a valiant effort but kept blacking out at the punch line. Once again a painful letter arrived in the mail. ‘One of the friends I was watching the show with happens to have a malignant brain tumor,’ the letter said. ‘Despite all the efforts of medicine his days are numbered. My friend was deeply shaken by this skit and I was speechless … Dying is tough anytime, especially when you haven’t reached 21 yet. Something list this can ruin a person’s entire mental attitude, which is a major factor in determining how much longer the patient can expect to live.’â€Â  (Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, Saturday Night; A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live, Beech Tree Books, 1986, p. 162)
Jokes About Calling Hillary Clinton A “Bitch.†9:53 Bernstein: “Well I think there’s one other factor and that is that she’s a woman. I think that a lot of adjectives that are applied to Hillary Clinton would never be applied to a male politician who did the same things.†Franken: “Bitch, for example.â€Â Bernstein: “They’re connotative words, you know, like ‘steely,’ guy that did the same thing, you wouldn’t call him ‘steely,’ you’d call him thoughtful perhaps.â€Â   (Transcript, “Larry King Live,†CNN, August 25, 2000)
Franken Refers To Linda Tripp As A Documented “Instance Of Mad Cow Disease.†“Since he was in the Dairy State over the weekend, comedian Al Franken felt it appropriate to discuss farm issues. The former ‘Saturday Night Live’ star was particularly intrigued by the state’s debate over ‘food disparagement’ laws — which prevent the libeling of food products. … Noting that talk show host Oprah Winfrey recently won a court battle in which she was accused of libeling beef, Franken reminded an audience of Wisconsin Democrats that Texas cattlemen had claimed in that trial that there had never been a documented case of mad cow disease in the United States. ‘I beg to differ,’ he observed. ‘There has been at least one instance of mad cow disease in this country: Linda Tripp.’†(John Nichols, “Franken Tickles State Democrats,†Capital Times, April 6, 1998)
Franken Jokes About Mahatma Gandhi Having An “Eating Disorder.†“Do people ever ask you, why the Hell should I care what Stuart Smalley thinks about politics? Well, Stuart knows nothing about politics. Although he likes Mahatma Gandhi, because he heard he had an eating disorder. But I don’t think I have had trouble being taken seriously. Although Fox in its complaint was doing everything it could to discredit my bona fides.†(Lev Grossman; Al Franken, “10 Questions For Al Franken,†Time Magazine, September 1, 2003)
Franken On How Tom Friedman Came Up With The Title To His Book Jokes About Friedman’s Past Dates: “I know he didn’t come up with the title for the book ‘The World Is Flat’ from that dating experience.” (Al Franken Radio Show, Air America Radio, May 26, 2006)
Franken Describes Running Around His House “Genitals Flopping Wildly.†“’Badda Bing!’ I cried, as I ran around the house, my genitals flopping wildly, embarrassing my wife and her bridge group.† (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, 2003, p.125)
Franken Calls Georgia Senator Zell Miller A “Evil, Vicious, Lying Fascist.â€Â “Miller, technically a Democrat, gave the lie to the stereotype that Democrats can’t be evil, vicious, lying fascists.â€Â (Al Franken, The Truth (With Jokes), Plume, 2006, p. 106
Franken Sang Song With Lyrics About Shooting JFK, MLK, & RFK.  “Back in the late 70s or early 80s, Franken made an appearance with his old sidekick, Tom Davis, at the Brave New Workshop. My late brother Mike was in town and, for some reason, we decided to take in the show, which turned out to be pretty bad overall.   But there came a moment that transcended the general mediocrity of the evening and raised it to a pitch of outright ugliness that almost got my brother, a volatile sort, up out of his seat to storm the stage. Franken and Davis sang what I’m sure they thought was a very witty version of Bob Marley’s ‘I shot the sheriff’ only with new words they made up for it. Instead of ‘I shot the sheriff,’ they substituted oh-so-clever verses like ‘I shot John Kennedy’ and ‘I shot Martin Luther King’ and ‘I shot Bobby Kennedy.’†  (Rich Broderick, “Jack the Giant Killer? Part 2,†Twin Cities Daily Planet, December 18, 2007)
Franken’s “Planet Of The Enormous Hooters†Sketch Idea. “FRANKEN: We wrote a piece called ‘The Planet of the Enormous Hooters’ that didn’t make it on the air but might on some future show. The planet of the Enormous Hooters is inhabited by amazon women and all the girls, Gilda, Laraine and Jane, have these enormous prop breasts. Huge breasts. DAVIS: And Raquel – we were going to use it on the Raquel Welch show – Raquel has only he normal-size breasts. And Gilda and Jane and Laraine say, ‘Look at her. Ha, ha, ha. Her breasts are so small, they look like melons. We are going to banish you to the planet Earth, where you will live in anonymity and your small breasts will go unnoticed.’ PLAYBOY: Why did it get cut? DAVIS: There were too many breast jokes that week and Raquel didn’t want to do that kind of joke – it’d been done before.â€Â     (“Playboy Interviews: ‘Saturday Night Live,’†Playboy, May 1977)
Bill O’Reilly “Masturbate[s] To Old John Wayne Movies.†3:45 In the Year 2000, “A mad scientist will switch the brains of Bill O’Reilly and Al Franken. As a result, Bill O’Reilly will support liberal causes and Al Franken will masturbate to old John Wayne movies.â€Â  (Transcript, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,†NBC, April 14, 2004)
“Once we put the word horny in a piece. The lady sensor said we couldn’t use horny but we could use sexy instead. We told her that a dog humping her leg is horny but not sexy.â€Â   (“Playboy Interviews: ‘Saturday Night Live,’†Playboy, May 1977)
Franken And Davis’ Placenta Helper Sketch. “FRANKEN: Something Tom and I wrote that got censored because it was supposedly in bad taste – though it was in excellent taste – was an ad for something called Placenta Helper. It’s two pregnant women meeting and one says it’s her first pregnancy and the other says that she’s had three. ‘By the way,’ she says, ‘are you going to eat your placenta?’ And she says, ‘You’re kidding, you mean the placenta?’ And the other one says, ‘That’s right, many mammals do it – it’s completely natural and there’s no cheaper source of protein.’ DAVIS: And then there was Placenta Romanoff and Placenta Orientale and Placenta Casserole. . . . FRANKEN: And it was censored for bad taste. But it wasn’t about base taste. In advertising. What we were trying to do was make a comment about packaged products like Hamburger Helper, which is a joke phrase to about 70,000,000 people in this country, even if the other 130,000,000 people don’t get it. They don’t understand that we’re making a comment on how 100 percent natural is used in advertising. A lot of humor we do is aimed at people who don’t understand our reference points.â€Â     (“Playboy Interviews: ‘Saturday Night Live,’†Playboy, May 1977)
Joke About Chinese Donor Johnny Wong Offends Brian Williams. 5:10 Franken: “Well, you know, the Republicans have made a really big thing of the fact he [Wong] was in the White House, I guess, 65 times in 1996, and there’s a real easy explanation for that: he was delivering Chinese food.†Williams: “Oh boy. Oh boy†Franken: “And it was only 64 times, Brian…†Williams: “The canons and ethics I have to go by as a cable news anchor forbid our discussion to go that way.†Franken: “Oh Brian, loosen up.†Carlson: “Yeah Brian.†Franken: “When you’re at renaissance weekend like the rest of us, in the tank with the President –†Williams: “Yeah, the hot tub. Oh I finally remember.†Franken “I was gonna say, it’s only 64 times, ‘cause once forgot the pancakes for the moo-shoo.â€â€¦ Franken: “Hey, you can’t invite a comedian on and then say we can’t go that way.â€Â (Transcript, “NBC News with Brian Williams,†MSNBC, October 17, 1997)
Interview with Michael Weiskopf, TIME Magazine reporter who lost his hand in Iraq: Franken: “Mind if I call you lefty?†… “So you have a hook or a claw now? What’s the difference between a hook and a claw?â€Â (laughter from Franken) “…and, blew your hand off. Did that hurt? (laughter from Franken) Sorry.â€Â  (The Al Franken Show, 11/13/06, 38:34-40:56)
Makes joke about child abuse. “Mr. Franken told the crowd that Mr. Reiner’s father, ‘frustrated with his career as a second banana to Mel Brooks,’ used ‘Baby Rob’ as a ‘human pinata,’ which, Mr. Franken added, ‘led to the horrible failure of Ghosts of Mississippi.’ ‘How come you didn’t go for North?’ Mr. Reiner asked.†‘Exactly,” Mr. Franken replied. ‘What POSSIBLY could explain North?’†(Frank DiGiacomo, “Requiescat in Pace, Henny Youngman: Comedy Meritocracy Rises at Friars,†New York Observer, October 16, 2000)
Another joke about child abuse. “Suddenly, this Mr.-Reiner-as-enabler act was starting to look a little too polished. But Mr. Franken forged on to detail Mr. Reiner’s alleged sexual abuse at the hands of his father. ‘On a typical night, Carl would slip into Rob’s bed, roll him over, swab him down and say something like, “I’m thinking about hiring Morey Amsterdam to play Buddy Sorrell, what do you think?â€â€™ (Frank DiGiacomo, “Requiescat in Pace, Henny Youngman: Comedy Meritocracy Rises at Friars,†New York Observer, October 16, 2000)
Make yet another joke about child abuse. “‘Well, the success of The Dick Van Dyke Show changed things dramatically,’ Mr. Franken said, ‘but the abuse continued. Carl started inviting many of his famous friends to f*** his son. That list includes some of the greats in comedy: Paul Lynde, Dom DeLuise, Rip Taylor, Danny Kaye, Charles Nelson Reilly and Rock Hudson — whom,’ Mr. Franken added, ‘I frankly don’t think is that funny.’†(Frank DiGiacomo, “Requiescat in Pace, Henny Youngman: Comedy Meritocracy Rises at Friars,†New York Observer, October 16, 2000)
Franken tells joke about being black or gay: While discussing gay marriage, Franken proffered a riddle to Sims. “Which is harder — being black or gay?” Franken asked. “I’m not –” Sims replied, laughing. Franken came back at him: “I know you’re not the mayor of Spokane.” Then Franken shared the punch line: “It’s harder being gay — because you don’t have to tell your parents you’re black.” Â Â Â (Seattle Post-Intelligancer, May 10, 2005, link: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/tv/223533_franken10.html hard copy: stored CFS)
Franken says that Jewish skin tone comes from being raped by Mongols. “Mongols came through and raped – and raped Jews. And uh…we’re a little yellow.â€Â  (Transcript, “Tonight Show with Jay Leno,†NBC, September 30, 2004)
Franken Describes Imaginary Conversation With God – Where God Uses Repeated Profanities. “Just to set the mood, Al Franken starts Lies with a few ‘lies’ of his own. ‘God told me to write this book,’ he begins. Those books by Ann Coulter and Bernie Goldberg, author of last year’s surprise bestselling expose of the “liberal media,” Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News, says God, are ‘total bull#@*t.’ He commands Franken to go after the ‘liberal bias myth’ and then get Bush and his corporate buddies who are ‘screwing the environment’ and @#$ ing-off the rest of the world.’ God has a mouth.†(Raymond Schroth, “Liberals Fight Back,†National Catholic Reporter, October 31, 2003)
Franken Delivers Speech Mocking Irish And Italians, Brags About “Deflowering†His Catholic Wife And Turning Her Away From The Pope. “Everybody mentions the electricity in the campaign, the feeling that Kerry just might bury the ghost of fellow Massachusetts liberal Michael Dukakis, who was annihilated by President George HW Bush in 1998. Franken whipped up the crowd with an irreverent speech that mocked the Bush administration, as well as the Italians and the Irish. ‘Sorry I didn’t wear a tie. I mean no disrespect to the Irish. I only mean disrespect to the Italians,’ he starts off, before revealing his delight in having deflowered his Irish Catholic wife and turning her away from the Pope.†(Sean O’Driscoll, “Irish Dems Sense Victory In 2004,†Irish Voice, August 10, 2004)
Franken Jokes About The Assassination Of Foreign Leader And Catholic Holy Communion. “Two attempts at humor were offensive. In his ‘oy, oy show,’ set to Israeli music, a sidekick reads news reports – in this case, the murder of the Russian-backed president of Chechnya. Franken’s role is to pipe up with a lighthearted ‘oy, oy, oy.’ Yep, nothing tickles the ribs like assassination. Franken also imitated a priest giving Communion, saying ‘Body of Christ’ when an imagined pedophile priest was in line but ‘not for you’ when pro-choice politicians came up.†(Michael Goodwin, “Liberal Radio Is Airing Bad Jokes And Worst Taste,†New York Daily News, May 12, 2004)
Franken Sketch Deemed Offensive To Catholics. “All season long, [Saturday Night Live creator Lorne] Michaels tried to get a sketch called ‘Dog Confessional’ approved. Written by Al Franken, it depicted a series of dogs, played by cast members, confessing to a priest. [NBC censor Richard] Gitter says it would have offended Catholics.â€Â (Tom Shales, “’SNL’ and the Censors; NBC Holds the Line Against Controversy,†The Washington Post, October 7, 1987)
Franken: “I Guess It Was God Who Had His Head Up His Ass.†“So I asked God where exactly in the Bible he said that. God told me that the Methodist minister had his head up his ass. It doesn’t say that in the Bible. (footnote) 1. As it turned out, the minister was right. A reader sent me the following from 2 Thessalonians 2:10-11: “…and with all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, because they did not receive the love of truth so as to be saved. For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false…â€Â I guess it was God who had his head up his ass.â€Â (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, 2004, p. 363)
Some churches shame people more than others. “I think I was talking a little bit about the priest scandal, and about the role of religion in shaming people. I think there’s a lot of shame involved. And I think that some churches shame people more than others.†26:15 (Al Franken Show, Air America Radio, 10.02.2006)
Franken On “The Last Temptation Of Christ:†“If Mary Magdalene Looked Like Barbara Hershey, I Might Have Thought Twice About This Celibacy Thing.†“Comedy writer Al Franken offers the TV monologue for Jesus, replete with mention of having seen the film, ‘The Last Temptation of Christ,’ and the declaration, ‘I’ll tell you one thing, if Mary Magdalene looked like Barbara Hershey, I might have thought twice about this celibacy thing.’†(James Warren, “Come Again?†Chicago Tribune, March 30, 1989)
Franken Criticizes “Jewish Neoconservativesâ€Â – Compares Them To al Qaeda. “Mr. Franken was asked about what the writer called ‘the Jewish neoconservatives – such as Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, Douglas Feith, Irving Kristol and his son William Kristol.’ ‘I’m not sure they are particularly devout Jews,’ Mr. Franken replied. ‘They come from this Leo Strauss school.’ Mr. Strauss was a German-Jewish refugee from World War II and a political philosopher at the University of Chicago who influenced many of the pioneers of modern neoconservative thought, the interviewer noted. Mr. Franken continued: ‘And Strauss said religion was good for the masses, but you didn’t have to use it. So it’s a good thing to keep the masses in check, but we superior Straussians don’t have to practice this ourselves. ‘I saw this great British documentary called “The Power of Nightmares.†And the whole point of it is to draw parallels between the Straussians and al Qaeda. They sort of have a lot of things in common. The rest of the world doesn’t believe what they believe is inherently corrupt and wrong and evil.’†(Greg Pierce, “Inside Politics,†Washington Times, November 25, 2005)
“He thinks every word in the Bible is true, which I think is kind of loony.” (Al Franken Radio Show, Air America Radio January 25, 2005)
Racially Insensitive Franken Script Rejected. “Franken, who taped one of those reminders to taxi passengers to buckle their seat belts, said the Taxi & Limousine Commission rejected one script where he said, ‘This is Al Franken. Your driver probably can’t understand what I’m saying …’†(Bacall’s NewPal: Keith Richards,†New York Post, August 22, 1999)
Franken Jokes ‘Minorities Aren’t Funny.’ “And after I gave what I felt was sufficiently exhaustive and responsive answer, the questioner pressed further. Finally, as a joke, I said, ‘Well, another reason, of course, is that minorities just aren’t funny.’ Everyone, including the relentless questioner laughed.†(Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh Is A Big, Fat Idiot, And Other Observations, 1996, p. 109)
Franken Makes A Slavery Joke About Thomas Jefferson. “For instance, there was that brilliant moment when an entire Royce auditorium collectively cringed as comedian Al Franken told some truly terrible (offensive, inappropriate) Thomas Jefferson jokes. ‘There are two reasons why I object to Jefferson sleeping with a slave,’ he started. (Oh yeah, it gets better.) ‘One, I object to slavery, on principle. And two, what kind of message does that send to the other slaves?’†(Michelle Zubiate, “Celebrities, Popular Figures Gather To Promote Conservation In ‘Earth To LA!’†University Wire, June 2, 2000)
Al Franken Makes Joke About An Arab Airline Passenger Whose “Dog Swallowed Box Cutters.†“On that basis, it would seem, Air America has nowhere to go but up. Humor on day one consisted of Al Franken conducting a mock interview with an ‘Arab passenger’ at a London airport, who asserted that the dog he was sneaking on board a flight had swallowed box cutters. Even The Washington Post found that ‘insensitive as well as unfunny.’ The centerpiece of Franken’s segment was an interview with filmmaker Michael Moore, author of Stupid White Men. When Al Gore made a surprise call to the Franken show, Moore wasted several minutes with a convoluted apology for voting for Ralph Nader in 2000, prompting the ex-vice president to inquire, ‘What are you saying?’†(Philip Terzian, “Air America Takes Off,†Providence Journal, April 4, 2004)
Franken Ridiculed Plight Of Afghan Women. “The event, co-hosted at the W New York Hotel by Glamour magazine and the Feminist Majority Foundation, attracted such A-list women as Meryl Streep, Laura Dern, Melissa Etheridge, Marlo Thomas, Glamour editor in chief Bonnie Fuller and Al Franken, who bombed at the podium, especially with such jokes as, ‘Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.’†(Mitchell Fink With Lauren Rubin, “Liza Wants To Be A Hit, Just Not A Huge One,†New York Daily News, October 20, 1999)
Franken Jokes About Alcoholism Among Native Americans. “God has a thousand faces and you only need to have one of them smiling upon you. In fact, the Hopi Indians say that being smiled upon by more than one of God’s faces is very confusing and can lead to alcoholism.â€Â (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! 2003, p. 47)
Franken: “Clearly, Two Blondes Going Down On Each Other Is A Real Winner In The Marketplace Of Ideas.â€Â (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, 2003, p. 19)
Franken Says The Media Raped Al Gore. “A careful observer would have noted Gore’s hands firmly gripping the podium, his ass extended behind him awaiting the brutal violation the media was about to administer.† (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, 2003, p. 47)
Franken Says Bush Administration Should Have “Run Everything†By The “Pakistani Cab Driver.†“ACTS OF FAITH Al Franken, on the troubles the admin. had naming the Afghan campaign: ‘I think what they should have done from the beginning is just get a Pakistani cab driver from DC into the White House and run everything by him.’ Franken, on what he learned entertaining the troops: ‘One thing we learned, bombing works. … We’ve flown over 2,800 sorties, dropped 15 tons in warheads, and done $39 in damage. But we’re a compassionate nation … and when this is all over, we’re going to put the rocks and dirt back.’ Franken, on why we should torture potential suspects: ‘I know he’s willing to die for his cause, but is he willing to take a hot poker up the ass?’ (“Late Night,” NBC, 12/14).†(“This Morning,†The Hotline, December 17, 2001
Franken Jokes About “Black Face†And Calls Mark Twain A Racist. “Editors! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t get into print without ‘em! We’ve had our fair share of tangles with the grammar-morals-humor police who approve our paychecks; still, we were surprised to learn that even a comedic kingpin like Al Franken has had a slap-down from editors — at the newly hatched local society glossy Capitol File. … Decide for yourself from these excerpts: Full disclosure, I never liked Twain. Neither does Steve, despite whatever he says onstage at the Kennedy Center. Let’s face it, Twain wrote one good book, one okay book, and a bunch of books that nobody reads unless they have to for school. The only thing I can think of that my friend Steve and Twain have in common is that they are both unreconstructed racists who rely on crude racial stereotypes for much of their humor. Steve is probably the only white comedian who still performs in blackface and delivers dialogue in exaggerated African American patois . . .†(Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts, “The Reliable Source,†Washington Post, December 11, 2005)
Franken Suggests Republicans Are Racist. “I’m not saying that all Republicans are racist or that all racists are Republicans. That would be a reprehensible overstatement, akin to something Ann Coulter might say. But if Ann were a Democrat, she would point out that, after years of declining during Clinton, black poverty is now on the increase. And she would make great use of the fact that youth poverty among blacks is now at its highest level in the twenty-three years they’ve been keeping the statistic. And she’d blame it all on Bush. She’d claim it was because overt, deliberate racism, rather than his more general bias toward the already privileged. She might even say that his tax cuts are inherently racist, because not only are blacks disproportionately likely to be at the bottom of the economic ladder, but they’re disproportionately unlikely to be at the top. But that’s Ann. I personally would never accuse Bush’s tax cuts of being racially motivated. I just think that, very generally speaking, they happen to hurt black people and help rich people. Who tend, again generally, to be white. That’s all I’m saying.â€Â (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, p. 268,  Plume, 2004)
Franken Does Strom Thurmond Impression: “I Know What Tickles My Fancy, The Colored Woman, Because The Pecker, It Knows No Bigotry.” (Al Franken Show, Air America Radio, April 21, 2006)
Franken: “Nobody respects a slave unless he’s played by Morgan Freeman.†6:12    (Transcript, “Newsnight,†CNN, March 29, 2002)
Joke About Chinese Donor Johnny Wong Offends Brian Williams. 5:10 Franken: “Well, you know, the Republicans have made a really big thing of the fact he [Wong] was in the White House, I guess, 65 times in 1996, and there’s a real easy explanation for that: he was delivering Chinese food.†Williams: “Oh boy. Oh boy†Franken: “And it was only 64 times, Brian…†Williams: “The canons and ethics I have to go by as a cable news anchor forbid our discussion to go that way.†Franken: “Oh Brian, loosen up.†Carlson: “Yeah Brian.†Franken: “When you’re at renaissance weekend like the rest of us, in the tank with the President –†Williams: “Yeah, the hot tub. Oh I finally remember.†Franken “I was gonna say, it’s only 64 times, ‘cause once forgot the pancakes for the moo-shoo.â€â€¦ Franken: “Hey, you can’t invite a comedian on and then say we can’t go that way.â€Â (Transcript, “NBC News with Brian Williams,†MSNBC, October 17, 1997)
“We learned that the stereotype is true: Asian people are good at tea-bagging.†(“The Al Franken Show,†Air America Radio, October 2, 2006)
2006: While Preparing For Senate Run In Minnesota, Franken Joked About Woman Who Was “Vomiting†During Sex.    “Yeah, I screwed a girl who was vomiting once [laughs]. â€Â  (“Al Franken Show,†Air America, October 18, 2006)
Franken Asked GOP Delegates To 1996 Convention If They “Ever Had A Homoerotic Dream.†“The two political conventions – Can you say ‘like a morgue?’ It was bad enough the Republicans and Democrats staged identically monotonous, pre-digested, news and event-free sales meetings. But with two notable exceptions, the allegedly adversarial press behaved like trained poodles. Thank God, Ted Koppel had the sense to call a mutt a mutt, and ‘Politically Incorrect’s’ Al Franken had the dignity to ask GOP delegates if they’d ever had a homoerotic dream.†(Brian Lambert, “The Worst Of TV 1996,â€Pioneer Press, January 1, 1997)
Franken Helps Sen. Chuck Schumer With A Skit – Skit Regarded As So Bad Schumer’s Chief Of Staff “Wanted To Crawl Under The Table.†“And when he delivered a stand-up routine at the Washington Press Club Foundation’s Congressional dinner earlier this month, Mr. Schumer was widely panned when he took several barbed shots at House Republicans. The act, written by his staff with the assistance of the writer-comedian Al Franken, a fellow Harvard graduate, opened with Mr. Schumer poking fun at himself for being a publicity hound. But the ballroom fell silent when Mr. Schumer quipped that Representative Bob Barr, a conservative Republican from Georgia, was preparing legislation titled the Defense of White Marriage Act. And the silence broke into hisses when Mr. Schumer turned to House Speaker Dennis Hastert and said, ‘I’d like to congratulate Denny on his appointment by Tom DeLay.’ Mr. DeLay, the whip, has been singled out by some Democrats as being the most powerful Republican in the House. ‘Debacle,’ one Washington weekly, Roll Call, called the performance. ‘Over the top,’ several Republicans said. Even Josh Isay, Mr. Schumer’s chief of staff, said, ‘I wanted to crawl under the table.’†(James Dao, “For Schumer, A Shift In Style As A Senator,†New York Times, March 1, 1999)
Franken Refers To Sen. Coleman As “Butt Boy.† “Publicly, Franken says he won’t announce until next year; privately, he’s said to have decided already to stand against the Republican Norm Coleman… Coleman, says Franken bluntly, is ‘one of the administration’s leading butt boys.’†(Sholto Byrnes, “US Elections: Franken On The Airwaves, And The Hustings,†New Statesman, October 30, 2006)
Franken Imagines Hitting Terrorist In Face With Baseballs, Describes It As “Terrorist Hit In Face With More Balls Than Elton John.†“Actually, and this is totally true, for the first six months after 9/11, I put three baseballs in my carry-on bag. I am blessed with an unusually accurate throwing arm, and wanted more than anything to thwart a hijacking by beaning a terrorist. How American is that?! I imagined the New York Post headline: “Franken Beans Hijacker: Terrorist Hit In Face With More Balls Than Elton John.†((Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, p. 167, 2003)
Franken Calls Rich Lowry “Little Girl.†“When National Review editor Rich Lowry claimed on C-Span that the Democrats had ‘sissified’ politics, Franken called him up and challenged him to a fight in a parking lot. ‘He backed down like a little girl,’ Franken says.â€Â (Jim Beckerman, “Franken And Friends Get A New Launch Pad For Liberalism,†The Record, March 28, 2004)
Franken Critic Notes Franken’s Play On “Sexual McCarthyism.â€Â “One of my problems with Franken’s MO (and I write this over at Spinsanity) is how ad hominem it is. As if to prove my point, he opens his piece by slyly suggesting that the Robert to whom I dedicate my book–along with my parents–just might be my homosexual lover. I believe this is what liberals usually call ‘sexual McCarthyism.’ That Franken resorts to it shows how he can’t help being gratuitously nasty. For those who care, Robert is my brother.†(Rich Lowry, “Fisking Franken,†National Review, March 18, 2004)
Comic Conceit on the 2004 RNC Convention Bounce: “They did get a bounce. I just guess being vicious and negative works.â€Â   (Transcript, “Last Call with Carson Daly,†September 29, 2004)
Franken Jokes About Holy Communion. John Dickerson: “I was raised a Catholic so church for me is, ah, you know, full of all the Catholic rituals and, so…†Franken: “Eating and drinking mainly.†Dickerson: “Mostly, that’s right. Right, right.†Franken: “And the wine, can you have more? Can you have like, the wafers, they’re not just like, you don’t just get the wine right?†Dickerson: “You don’t get, you can’t make a sandwich or anything.†Franken: “Or you can’t have them like chips?†Dickerson: “No, no they don’t go with guacamole. And the same’s true with the wine…†Franken: “Is that a sacrilege? I see Joel shaking your head there.†Joel & Dickerson: “Yeah.†Joel: “Yeah, there’s some rules about this.†Franken: “Oh really?†Joel: “Yeah.†Franken: “Even about the joking of it?†Joel: “We’ll go through this after the show.†Franken: “Is it just, like should I just not run for the Senate now?†Dickerson: “Yeah. Yeah, um…â€Â  Franken: “I don’t know. I’m Jewish, I don’t know.†Dickerson: “It’s the body and blood of Christ…â€Â Franken: “Oh, of course.†Dickerson: “…so it’s no small, ah, it’s no small thing and its’ that sacrifice which is the center of , of… Franken: “Yes, yes that I know.â€Â Dickerson: “…the belief, so, ah, people get very touchy…†Franken: “And rightly so.†Dickerson: “…and even us Catholics do.†Franken: “Rightly so. Sorry everybody. I apologize (laughing). I really do. That was…I, I, I (mumbling).â€Â  (The Al Franken Show, Air America, July 12, 2006, 56:58-58:16)
Over-The-Top Strom Thurmond Impression. 10:45“Yeah I had a colored daughter, yeah I screwed the black gal. yeah I screwed the colored. Yeah I did that, I screwed ‘em all! I screwed the Mexican. Al, Al. Yeah I screwed the Puerto Rican, I screwed ‘em all. (unintelligible) the pecker knows no bias Kathy, it knows no bias. She goes Al, Al. I’m not Al I’m Strom, I’m Strom and I screwed the Amish girl. Ya gotta get ‘em, ‘cause they get a year off. I screwed ‘em. Al stop. Al there’s be a smallpox outbreak in Seattle. Yeah I screwed a girl with smallpox.â€Â  (Transcript, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,†NBC, April 14, 2004)
Franken And Davis Over The Top Gay Lovers Skit. “TOM DAVIS: We were going to do a Franken and Davis sketch – I think it was in the fourth year – and we’re dressed as sumo wrestlers. And I suddenly stop and just announce that we’re gay. AL FRANKEN: Tom says he can’t stand it anymore, we’re gay lovers, and I go ‘My wife and kid are here.’ ‘They don’t know?’ ‘No, they don’t know!’ And the kid is in the audience going, ‘I hate you, Daddy! I hate you, hate you, hate you, Daddy!’ Then I go back behind the curtain, you hear a gunshot go off, and my legs sort of flop out from under the curtain. Then our music plays and I come out and we go, ‘Good night, everybody!’ And that was it; that was a ‘Franken and Davis Show.†And for a while we would say, ‘Brought to you by the International Communist Party – working for you in Africa!’â€Â  (Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller, Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live, as Told By Its Stars, Writers and Guests, Tom Shales and Jimmy the Writer, Inc, 2002, 140-141)
Franken And Davis Holocaust Skit. “TOM DAVIS: When we did the ‘Franken and Davis Show’ sketches, our theme was usually that we were breaking up. Once we had Al’s real parents in town, coming to the show, so we dressed up in SS uniforms and we dressed his parents in these death-camp stripe. It was going to be something. In the sketch, Al’s father would say, ‘You know, Al. your mother and I are very uncomfortable with this piece. We think it’s tasteless.’ And Al would say ‘Oh, come on, Dad, you wanted to be on TV. This is funny.’â€Â    (Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller, Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live, as Told By Its Stars, Writers and Guests, Tom Shales and Jimmy the Writer, Inc, 2002, 142-143)
Franken Pretends To Kill New Born Daughter At Baby Shower. “AL FRANKEN: My wife came with her sister first and I was going to bring the baby. My other sister-in-law came with me. So I got a doll the exact size of the baby and swaddled it – I told Franny I was going to do this – and there’s like thirty women, and I walk in and they’re all going like, ‘Ohhh . . . ahhhh,’ and I waslk in and I hit the baby’s head on this piece of furniture and I go up in the air and I come down with everything, everything, going into this doll, so that there is no way I didn’t kill the baby. And the screams, the screams! TOM DAVIS: The scream that came out of these women, it just made everyone’s hair stand on end. They just witnessed this man kill his newborn baby. To this day, I’ve never heard a more terrifying sound than all those women witnessing this baby being killed by its father. AL FRANKEN: And then my sister-in-law Carla walks in with the real baby.â€Â    (Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller, Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live, as Told By Its Stars, Writers and Guests, Tom Shales and Jimmy the Writer, Inc, 2002, 146-147)
Franken Gay Joke About Daryl Worley: “We were flying over the Atlantic on the way to Andrews Air Force Base, and everyone was asleep, and Daryl [Worley] and I had kind of a bonding moment—not like one of those Brokeback Mountain kind of things.†10:23      (NRSC Tracking Video, Al Franken Rochester Meet And Greet, January 15, 2008)
Wrote Skit About Murder Of Lesbians. “[Franken and Davis] created a parody of TV cop shows called ‘Ex-Police’ (sometimes they called is ‘X-Police’) in which Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray played rouge cops who had been thrown off the force for excessive violence…In one episode, they barged into an apartment shared by two women and, assuming they were lesbians, battered one and murdered the other. ‘Another homosexuality related death, they said as they walked out. The sketch provoked dozens of outraged letters from gay groups and other who wanted to know what was so funny about killing homosexuals.†    (Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, Saturday Night; A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live, Beech Tree Books, 1986, p. 161)
Mentions a White House Correspondent who “was a gay prostitute†on Air America. “How about the guy in the White House correspondent? Gannon, was that his name? He was a gay prostitute…and nothing wrong with that.” (“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 14, 2006.)
Franken Slams The New Pope. “And of course now there are the threats to kill the Pope from, but that’s just from the very nutty Muslims who are the caricature that the Pope was talking about, but I thought they picked, I thought when they picked the Pope they picked like one of the smartest cardinals.â€Â Randi Rhodes: “They picked what?†Franken: “I thought when the other Cardinals would get together and they picked the smartest cardinal, but evidently not.â€Â   (“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 19, 2006)
Franken doesn’t believe Jesus is God; considers the possibility of Jesus being crazy. “I am at a Christian Coalition event, this is in like 1996, and I find the people there very nice, a lot of them. So I got about 15-20 people there around me and we’re having a conversation and I tell them why I don’t like prayer in school, and I said for example, I don’t believe Jesus is God, so I don’t want to do a prayer where Jesus is God, and a guy says to me, ‘are you calling Jesus a liar’, and I said I don’t think so, and he said ‘Jesus said, when you look upon me, you look upon the Father’ and I said ok, there a number of possibilities here, first of all, it could be a misquote, secondly, Jesus could have thought he was God and just been crazy, or he could have been saying when you look upon anyone you see the father, that there is God in all of us.†(“The Al Franken Showâ€, Air America Radio, September 25, 2006)
Franken mocks religion. “Praise MaHaKaKa, that’s my God.†(“The Al Franken Show, Air America Radio, September 25, 2006.)
Jokes He’d Keep Sex Abuse Under Wraps To Win. Producer: “Well, I think there are people in the Republican Party who are -†Franken: Good people.†Producer: “- good people who are philosophically committed to certain ideas that the Republican Party espouses, but -†Franken: “Or used to espouse -†Producer: “- or used to espouse, but, but I don’t think I’d want to win, that way [keeping allegations of sexual harassment under wraps]. Do you?†Franken: “That’s the difference between you and me [laughter].†Producer: “If I were a Republican, I wouldn’t want to win that way.â€Â     (“The Al Franken Show,†Air America Radio, October 2, 2006)
Compares House GOP And Foley To Catholic Church “This is the Catholic Church. This is how they bring up – Who knows if [Mark Foley] got with somebody else. But this is a sickness. And by the way, let’s talk about this, in terms sex and about the attitude in this country and among certain, and this may be a Catholic thing, I don’t know, because there’s a lot of this stuff happening in Catholic things. My wife’s a Roman Catholic, Irish Catholic. That when you’re ashamed of who you are, ok, if you’re gay, you’re told that is awful. And I guess that if you believe that, and you’re gay, then I don’t know what that does in terms of making you live a separate life, of making you think that ’well as long as I’m an awful person, I might as well do this other awful thing.’ You know we have in this country, still in thirty-three states, that you can fire someone for being gay. It’s time that we just de-sickened this society and said look, ‘let people be who they are.’ Maybe that’s one lesson we can draw from this.â€Â    (“The Al Franken Show,†Air America Radio, October 2, 2006)
Says You Should “Keep Your Boy Away†From Anti-Gay Republicans. “There’s just so much stuff to talk about here, one of which is this phenomenon of anti-gay, gay Republicans. Remember the anti-gay, gay mayor of Spokane?†Andy Barr: “James West.†Franken: “Yeah. I mean Foley voted for the 1993 Defense of Marriage Act. So there just seems to be this, this is part of the sickness. There are these anti-gay gay Republicans. It’s just a real strong phenomenon.†Producer: “The next time you hear a Republican coming out strenuously, aggressively, and very outspoken in terms of gay marriage -†Franken: “Watch it.†Prouder: “Keep your kid away from them.†Franken: “Keep your boy away, that’s all I have to say. Gee whiz.â€Â     (“The Al Franken Show,†Air America Radio, October 2, 2006)
Jokes About Helen Keller’s Disabilities. “FRANKEN: Here’s a line I couldn’t get past the censors: ‘If Helen Keller were alone in the forest and fell down, would she make a sound?’ Now, you can’t really sit there and say ‘It’s not really a Helen Keller joke, it’s a epistemology joke.â€Â     (“Playboy Interviews: ‘Saturday Night Live,’†Playboy, May 1977)
Penned Skit About Mass Killings Of Homosexuals. “FRANKEN: We got some hate mail for a piece we did on those homosexual mass slayings in Houston about three years ago. DAVIS: It was on the show Candice Bergen hosted last year. The show was a little too sweet, so we needed something with an edge to it.â€Â        (“Playboy Interviews: ‘Saturday Night Live,’†Playboy, May 1977)
“Jewboy†Line In Final Days Sketch Was Originally “Christ Killer.†“FRANKEN: Speaking of the Final Days parody, the censors made us change something in that sketch. They made us change the term Christ Killer to Jewboy.â€Â       (“Playboy Interviews: ‘Saturday Night Live,’†Playboy, May 1977)
Franken On The Difference Between Rednecks And Hippies: “A redneck wants his meth and a hippie wants his harmless pot. A redneck wants to ride his motorcycle without a helmet on meth.” (Al Franken Radio Show, Air America Radio April 11, 2005)
Franken As God On Claims Made In Books By Ann Coulter And Bernie Goldberg: “Total Bullshit.†“‘You know those shitty books by Ann Coulter and Bernie Goldberg?’ ‘The best sellers that claim there is a liberal bias in the media?’ I asked. ‘Total bullshit,’ God said.â€Â  (“God Spoke,†2006)
Franken Doing His Cheney Impression: “I Told Barbara Boxer To Eat Me. I Told Hillary Clinton To Sit On This And Spin.â€Â (“God Spoke,†2006)
Franken To Former Bush I Counsel C. Boyden Gray At Reception For Newsweek Magazine: “The idea of you not picking up your dog’s poop…  you asshole… you asshole… you dick.â€Â (“God Spoke,†2006)
Franken (Off Camera) To Chuck Schumer During Stand Up Routine: “Fuck you, Chuck.â€Â (“God Spoke,†2006)
Franken Fantasizes About Urge To Escape Party And “Jerk Off Into Dominick Dunne’s Hat.†  “You have to fight an urge to flee, to find a refuge where you can be as physically isolated as you feel spiritually and emotionally. … So you excuse yourself and escape to the host’s bedroom, where you jerk off into Dominick Dunne’s hat.â€Â (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! 2003, p. 145)
Franken Likes To Email Detractors And Say “Thank You For Your Kind Email Regarding My… Three-Inch Penis.†“No, no. I just tend to get really nasty e-mails. And I just send them back a little e-mail saying, ‘Thank you for your kind e-mail regarding my’ – and I skip a space, and I put a forward arrow – ‘three-inch penis.’ Then I skip a space. ‘As you can imagine, I receive so many positive responses to my’ – skip a space, arrow – ‘three-inch penis, that I’m unable to respond to them all.’ Then they get mad, yeah.†  (http://www.buzzflash.com/interviews/03/06/12_franken.html)
Franken Jokes As Married Man, “You Must Fight Your Almost Irresistible Urge To Fuck Anything With More Chromosomes Than A Chicken.â€Â “Innumerable times during the seemingly endless course of your marriage, you will consider cheating on your wife. Don’t do it. Instead, you must fight your almost irresistible urge to fuck anything with more chromosomes than a chicken.â€Â (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! 2003, p. 36)
Franken Jokes About Fantasizing About Other Women While Masturbating “One day I was masturbating. As I attempted to orgasm (see, I’m still on message), I noticed that I was fantasizing about Halle Berry. And it occurred to me in a flash. Why not use the same strategy to make sex with my wife less of a chore.â€Â (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! 2003, p. 37)
Franken’s On Marriage: “The Person You Marry Will Be The Same Person You Will Want To Murder Five, Ten, Or Twenty Years Hence.â€Â (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! 2003, p. 66)
Franken Joked About The Execution Of Two White House Advisors. “The President’s father…has said that outing a CIA agent is treason….What it looks like is going to happen is that [Lewis] Libby and Karl Rove are going to be executed….I don’t know how I feel about it because I’m basically against the death penalty, but they are going to be executed.†(CBS’s “Late Show with David Letterman,†October 21, 2005)
Franken Made Repeated Jokes About The Potential Executive Of Presidential Aides Karl Rove And Scooter Libby. “FRANKEN: Well, I’ll tell you why. Because there is an important aspect to this. This is really about covering for lying about why we went to Iraq. So what I see — and, of course, it looks like definitely Rove and Libby outed a CIA agent, an undercover CIA agent, which George H.W. Bush, the president’s father, who was head of the CIA, called treason. So I think, you know, people ask me what’s going to happen. This is treason and I think Libby and rove definitely will be executed. I think that’s, you know, I’m not — I’m against the death penalty. VERJEE: Executed? FRANKEN: Yes, it’s treason.†(Transcript, “American Morning,†CNN, October 26, 2005)
Franken Joke: “Former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill Was Supposed To Be The Presenter, But Unfortunately He Was Murdered.†“The awards ceremony included an appearance by Al Franken, quoted the next day by Matt Drudge: “I’m a last-minute substitution. Former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill was supposed to be the presenter, but unfortunately he was murdered.’†(Leah Garchik, “Daily Notebook,†San Francisco Chronicle, January 16, 2004)
Franken Would Like To See Congress Pass “An Amendment That Allows Exotic Dancers†To Pick Up Money “With Something Other Than Their Hands.†“An amendment he’d (Franken) like to see passed by Congress: ‘I’d like to see an amendment that allows exotic dancers to pick up U.S. currency with something other than their hands.’” (Penny Parker, “Franken’s Dem fest enjoyed by almost all,†Rocky Mountain News, August 26, 2006)
In Extended Comic Conceit, Franken Jokes About Rush Limbaugh Being Raped In Prison. “I called the lawyers from the Premiere Radio Network and tried to reason with them. I pointed out the consequences of pressing charges against Rush and sending him to prison for even a short, symbolic jail term, of, say, five to ten years. Were they aware that the best defense against rape in prison is good hearing? Ironically just the faculty that Rush was now lacking.â€Â (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! 2003, p. 97)
Franken On Rush Limbaugh: “Ten Pounds Of Shit In A Five-Pound Bag.â€Â (Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot, 1996, p. 164)
Franken: “Sean Hannity Lived Up Newt Gingrich’s Ass.†“‘If you don’t embarrass yourself every once in a while, then you’re not loose enough,’ Al Franken chimed in. ‘So I’m trying to think hard. I know — I made a couple mistakes in Lies and Lying Liars. All of it came from British intelligence. For example, I wrote that Sean Hannity lived up Newt Gingrich’s ass from 1993 to 1998 — I got that from British intelligence. Turns out Sean took residence up Newt’s ass only in early ’94, early January of ’94, so that was embarrassing.’†(George Gurley, Shazia Ahmad, Gabriel Sherman, Alexandra Wolfe and Noelle Hancock, “Fucking Articulate,†New York Observer, April 19, 2004)
Franken On Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: “I Could Whip Her (Behind).†“’I could take the president,’ he said, despite a certainty that Bush would ‘fight dirty.’ At about 200 pounds, Franken figures he has about 35 on the commander in chief. ‘You’d just get his legs, and then you’d beat his ears, and then uncle.’ Sen. John McCain of Arizona, whom Franken likes, would fall easily too. ‘That’s only because he can’t lift his shoulders’ because of injuries sustained as a Vietnam POW. Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison? ‘I could whip her (behind).’ Continuing on this feminist tack, Franken counts Maine senators Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe as sure victims.†(Vic Vogler, “Pin Down This Image: Franken v Bush,†Denver Post, October 10, 2004)
Franken Decried The Washington Press Corps, Said They Had “Suddenly Found Its Pecker Again.†“Emboldened by Jeffords’s example (of standing up to the White House) , the Washington press corps suddenly found its pecker again.â€Â (Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, p. 165 2003)
Franken Then Said After 9-11 The Media’s “Testicles Instantly Shriveled And Retracted Back Into Their Abdominal Cavities.†“The media’s testicles instantly shriveled and retracted back into their abdominal cavities, making a slurping sound as they did so.†(Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Plume, p. 165-166, 2003)
Franken: The Media’s “Testicles Have Been Sucked Up Into Their Body Cavity With A Slurping Sound†And “Mine Are Hanging Fine.†“As far as the dovetailing between Air America Radio and Mr. Gore’s project, Mr. Franken said, ‘It’s all part of the same thing. It’s fighting back … I think that the country — there’s an odd idea that the mainstream media is liberal, and it just isn’t. And I think the mainstream media has become scared of its own shadow. Basically, their testicles have been sucked up into their body cavity with a slurping sound.’ And how were his own testicles holding up? ‘Mine are hanging fine,’ he said.†(Joe Hagan, “Al Gets Gore-TV,†New York Observer, April 5, 2004)
Franken Jokes That “For $25†Janet Reno Will “Come To Your Table And Do A Lap Dance.†“Al Franken, the comic whose stale material cracks ‘em up at the White House and who (he says) works out of there when he’s in town, retailed a howler at Miss Reno’s expense at the recent dinner of the White House Press Photographers Association. ‘The Democratic National Committee is coming up with a novel way to raise money,’ he said. ‘For $50,000 you can get a waltz with the first lady. For $25,000, you can dance a tango with Tipper. And for $25, the attorney general will come to your table and do a lap dance.’â€(Wesley Pruden, “A Curious Gallantry At The White House,†Washington Times, March 28, 1999)
Franken Jokes “I’m Probably The Only Democrat Who Was For The War But Against The Troops.†“After the video, the Democratic comedian Al Franken took the stage. After a few awkward and painful jokes–Franken tried to get a laugh out of the crowd by saying, “I’m probably the only Democrat who was for the war but against the troops” and then reminding them that he had been on several USO tours–Franken introduced a series of videos from television personalities bidding farewell to McAuliffe.†(Byron York, “Goodbye, Terry Sorry, We Lost,†National Review, February 11, 2005)
Franken: “Republicans Are Shameless Dicks. No, That’s Not Fair.  Republican Politicians Are Shameless Dicks.â€Â (Al Franken, The Truth (With Jokes), Plume, p. 58, 2006)
Franken Said A Rejected Book Title Included “Richard Armey Is A Big Fat Dick.† Q: “What were some of the book’s rejected titles?†A: “There was Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Lying Hypocrite. But that was too confrontational. Then there was Newt Gingrich Is a Big Fat Jerk. And Richard Armey Is a Big Fat Dick.â€Â (A.J. Jacobs; Al Franken, “Franken Sense And Mirth,†Entertainment Weekly, March 22, 1996)
Franken Refers To Ronald Reagan As A Draft Dodger. “It comes on Page 223. Talking about Ronald Reagan’s military service, Franken writes the following: ‘He did dodge the draft during World War II. He “served†in the filmmaking department, starring in the 1942 comedy “Juke Girl†with Ann Sheridan.’ This sentence is misleading and inaccurate in several ways: Reagan did not make ‘Juke Girl’ when he was in the military. In fact, though the film was a 1942 release, it was completed only five days after the December 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor. Reagan wasn’t called into the service until three months after Pearl Harbor, when he was ordered to report to Fort Mason, here in San Francisco. … It is true that Reagan didn’t spend the war getting shot at, as Robert Montgomery, James Stewart and Clark Gable did, so in that sense he only ‘served,’ rather than served. But the fact is he offered himself to the military and was classified for ‘limited service’ because of bad eyesight.†(Mick LaSalle, “A Vote For Reagan As An A-List Actor,†San Francisco Chronicle, April 4, 2004)
Franken Compared Ronald Reagan To A Crack Dealer. “The shocking thing about crack is how fast the addiction runs its course. It’s not unusual for alcoholics to take 20 or 30 years to hit bottom. Cocaine addicts take maybe a couple of years. Crack, a form of cocaine, usually is a matter of months. The Reagan Administration has been the crack of our nation’s debt addiction. And Ronald Reagan, the crack dealer.â€Â  (Al Franken Op-Ed, “Addictions And Mr. Reagan,†The New York Times, July 19, 1988)
Franken Refers To President As A Liar And A Loser.  “Franken is a political satirist, former cast member and writer for Saturday Night Live and author, currently on a book tour for Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. After viciously attacking President Bush’s foreign policy, Franken admitted that soldiers won’t hear the same message he gave Sunday on a forthcoming USO tour. ‘Your president lied to you. You’re dying for a loser,’ he said. ‘I don’t think that’s a morale booster.’†(Meghan Gordon, “Fayetteville Comedians Trade Jabs On Bush, War In Debate At UA,†Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, November 24, 2003)
Franken: A Bush Win Would Lead To “Something Looking Very Closely Like Fascism.†“You recently said a Kerry loss would result in ‘something looking very closely like fascism. (Franken) ‘I don’t mean fascist in the pejorative sense, like Nazi storm troopers. I mean a corporate state. We’re seeing that with tax breaks for corporations, no-bid contracts in Iraq, environmental regulation totally unravelling, and there are civil liberty problems. So I guess it’s not far from the pejorative.’†(John Itini, “Al Franken, Radio Host And Comic: Fascists – ‘Not In The Pejorative Sense,’†MacLean’s, November 22, 2004)
Franken Made Jokes Comparing Senator Bob Dole To The One-Armed Murderer In “The Fugitive.† “Despite some jokes comparing Dole to the one-armed murderer in the movie ‘The Fugitive,’ Franken said he has great respect for the senator.â€Â (Scott Shepard, “Franken Slings His Comical Mud On Politics,†Austin American-Statesman, January 26, 1996)
Franken Jokes About How “Intolerable†It Would Be If Former President Bush Died And The Press Covered It. “MATTHEWS: Let me ask you — let me ask you about this campaign. FRANKEN: Yes. MATTHEWS: The country took a week off. Was that a good idea? FRANKEN: I think it was. (CROSSTALK) FRANKEN: It was — whether or not — whether it was — it seemed a little long. And I was worried about Bush, the father, with his parachute thing, because, if that didn’t open, we would have had another week. MATTHEWS: Yes. FRANKEN: And that would have been intolerable. And it would have been one week and then another week.†(Transcript, “Hardball,†MSNBC, June 15, 2004)
Franken Describes Former POW John McCain As Having “Sat Out†Vietnam War. “So I like John McCain. Anyway, I’m doing the White House Photographers Dinner and I go into my little McCain riff. “He I like John McCain. And I think he’s really courageous. I mean, his stance on campaign finance reform and tobacco. Wow. That takes guts. But this whole ‘war hero’ thing – I don’t get it. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, he sat out the war. I mean, anyone can get captured! Am I wrong, but isn’t the idea to capture the other guy?†(Al Franken, Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them, p.176,  Plume, 2004)
Franken jokes about not going to Vietnam: “…she said, ‘Well I’m too young…I’m not old enough to have gone to Vietnam.’ And I should have said, what I should have said is, ‘Well, I, I, I was old enough…and I didn’t go!’†(laughter from Franken)   (The Al Franken Show, 11/14/06, 1:28:13-1:28:22)
Franken Suggested Bill O’Reilly Was Promoting Book “Living With Herpes.†“But Franken wasn’t going to stop — he recalled a confrontation with right-wing Irish American commentator Bill O’Reilly at a mutual book signing. ‘I was there to promote my book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them and he was there to promote his book Living With Herpes,” Franken joked.†(Sean O’Driscoll, “Irish Dems Sense Victory In 2004,†Irish Voice, August 10, 2004)
At Event Promoting Fox Movie, Franken Threw Obscenities At Fox News Channel. “The liberal political action group Move-On.org kicked off its efforts a few hours before “The Day After Tomorrow’s” New York premiere at the Museum of Natural History (which was surrounded by fake snow for the event). In a neo-Gothic Universalist church a block away, 500 boisterous MoveOn members gathered for the global warming briefing-cum-pep rally. … Comedian and Air America Radio host Al Franken lobbed an obscenity at Fox News Channel — with which he’s had a running battle. But then he came back to the podium to say that he meant no offense to the studio. ‘I forgot that it was a Fox movie,’ he said.†(Elizabeth Jensen – Los Angeles Times, “’The Day After Tomorrow,’†Cincinnati Post, May 28, 2004)
Franken Says Now That Arianna Huffington Is A Liberal – They “Can F*ck Now!†“Air America host Al Franken seemed to be in heat when he saw columnist Arianna Huffington Thursday night. Invited by the Creative Coalition to present her with a Spotlight Award, Franken reminded everyone that, during the 1996 campaign, the two collaborated on a Comedy Central routine called ‘Strange Bedfellows’ – in which they’d trade barbs while tucked between the sheets. Back then, he recalled, Huffington was a Republican ‘acolyte’ of Newt Gingrich. But now that he’s ‘converted’ her to liberalism, Franken felt it was time they really did the deed. Pulling the Greek beauty onto the bed in Esquire’s Astor Place show-condo, Franken bellowed, ‘We can [bleep] now!’ A giggling Huffington managed to fend him off.†(George Rush and Joanna Rush Molloy, “Bill’s Grip ‘N’ Grin With Petra Poses A Problem,†New York Daily News, November 14, 2005)
Franken On Down Syndrome Reporter: “Talked Complete Gibberish.†“Forty-three-year-old Ronnie Simonsen may have the most wildly off-putting – and yet surprisingly effective — reporting style in the TV-news business….For a guy with Down syndrome, Mr. Simonsen was pretty quick on his feet. … Mr. Franken seemed to enjoy his run-in with Mr. Simonsen, although he was a bit confused by Robert (Bobby)Bird, a Mickey Rooney look-alike who can’t really enunciate words. ‘The first guy was great. He and I actually improvised something based on a premise,’ recalled Mr. Franken. (They performed a Mary Tyler Moore skit with Mr. Franken as Lou Grant and Mr. Simonsen as Mary, with Grant ordering Mary back on the convention floor to help Ted.) ‘He was really smart and talented. And the second guy just talked complete gibberish, because I think he was more severely Down-syndromed than the other guy. I said, “Well, O.K., I can’t understand what you’re saying, but go ahead.†I treated him with respect in terms of body language and tone and stuff like that. I think it’s kind of neat.’†(Joe Hagan, “Bush Reality TV: Fishing With George!,†New York Observer, August 9, 2004)
Jokes About Cambodian Killing Fields. “I think it’s a bad idea for comedians to endorse people. I know this only too well, years ago the first guy I ever did a fundraiser for was Pol Pot…. I saw the killing fields a few years ago and I felt like a shmuck I gotta tell you.â€Â     (Transcript, “Hardball,†MSNBC, February 20, 2004)
Viewer Writes About Offensive Sketch Where Franken Mimics A Patient With A Brain Tumor. “I first heard and saw Al Franken while watching a sketch on TV of “The Franken and Davis Show” during the late 1970s, where he appeared on stage wearing a bandage around his head mimicking a comedian with a brain tumor. His pal Davis would douse Franken’s face with water whenever he faltered during the delivery of a joke. Just as disgusting to me was the laughter from the obviously insensitive audience.†(Letter To The Editor, James Gangemi, “Al Franken Isn’t Funny, Just Vile And Disgusting,†The Post-Standard, May 19, 2004)
Franken Delivered Slurring, Vulgar Monologue – Including The “F†Word. “Franken, a host for liberal radio network Air America, was alternately hilarious and unintelligible during his routine. He opened with a slurring rendition of a joke about the infinite number of Kennedys roaming Boston, calling Patrick Kennedy ‘the eighth most impressive Kennedy I’ve ever met.’ And then he mumbled some things we couldn’t quite make out about Iraq. And then, ‘If Dick Cheney were here, he’d say ‘go fuck yourselves.â€â€™ Funny joke. But all we in the audience could make out was the “F’” word part without the context, which was lost along with what we suspected were several brain cells, too. Kennedy was looking a little uncomfortable himself.†(Mary Ann Akers, “Heard On The Hill,†Roll Call, August 2, 2004)
Franken Wrote A Sketch About Breast Cancer Patients And Their Husbands. “Gilda once told me she thought I was at least partially responsible for her cancer. She was referring to a sketch Tom and I had written that was a takeoff on Betty Rollins’ best-selling memoir about her battle with breast cancer, “First You Cry.†(The title refers to Rollins’ reaction when she first learned she’d have to have a mastectomy.) In our sketch, ‘First He Cries,’ Gilda has a mastectomy, and her husband, played by Bill Murray, freaks out. Throughout the sketch, Gilda’s doctor, played by host Bea Arthur, continually beseeches Gilda to be more understanding of her husband, explaining what the loss of a wife’s breast does to a man’s self-image. Eventually, Bill runs off with a younger woman named Bambi. I think we got more mail on that sketch than any other in the history of the show. But Betty Rollins wrote us a letter saying she loved the sketch and understood that we were dramatizing the absurdity of a woman’s fear that her husband will stop loving her because she’s lost a breast. In Betty’s mind, we were actually being helpful.†(Al Franken, “On Belushi, Gilda and Henry Kissinger’s Son,†Daily Variety, September 24, 1999)
Franken Proceeds To Tell Story Of Complaints About Sketch To Breast Cancer Foundation. “So a few months before she died, Gilda told me that sometimes she thought that maybe her karma from doing the sketch had given her cancer. Gilda didn’t tell me this to make me feel bad. Quite the opposite: She told me to make me laugh. About a year ago, I gave an after-dinner speech at a fundraiser for Gilda’s Club. It was a black-tie event, at the Waldorf Astoria or the Pierre, I can’t remember which. I do remember making a huge miscalculation: Thinking that the crowd would be delighted by the whole “First He Cries”/I gave Gilda cancer story. I was wrong. They were appalled.†(Al Franken, “On Belushi, Gilda and Henry Kissinger’s Son,†Daily Variety, September 24, 1999)
Franken Refers To Iraq War As “Operation Finish Desert Storm – Or Operation We Wouldn’t Have To Do This If Poppy Hadn’t F*cked Up.†“The Writers Guild Awards at the Pierre went on for about four hours, proving beyond a doubt that they weren’t the Editors Guild Awards. … But mostly there was Bush bashing, with presenter Marcia Gay Harden declaring, ‘I’m a Texan and I can’t stand him,’ and emcee Al Franken calling the war in Iraq ‘Operation Finish Desert Storm–or Operation We Wouldn’t Have to Do This If Poppy Hadn’t F*cked Up.’†(Michael Musto, “La Dolce Musto,†Village Voice, March 25, 2003)
Franken Jokes About Technical College Students As “Nation’s Future Air Conditioner Repairmen†Living “Useless Lives.†“He speaks hundreds of times a year to corporate groups, trade associations, and his favorite assignments, colleges and universities. He was on a plane headed for Spokane’s Gonzaga University to deliver his standard “Winners Aren’t Born, They’re Made” speech when Franken began his latest book. It’s titled, “Oh, the Things I Know! A Guide To Success, or, Failing That, Happiness” and was published by Dutton. But he wasn’t always in such demand after a series of disastrous commencement addresses in the ’80s, Franken admits. The worst happened when, due to a garbled phone message, he wrote a speech for Harvard University (his alma mater), but was actually booked for Hartford State Technical College. By the time he rerouted to the right place he was tired and disappointed and frankly took it out on the graduates, he said, admitting from the stage that he’d expected Harvard. ‘Instead, I am here with you,’ he said. ‘The nation’s future air-conditioner repairmen.’ ‘But let’s try to make the best of it,’ Franken droned. ‘Goethe once said, “A useless life is an early death.†In Goethe’s terms, most of you are already dead.’ He didn’t get many gigs after that for a while, Franken said, assuming that you and I will understand that all of the above is satire.†(Susan Paynter, “Al Franken May Say Humor Is Just A Job But He Really Takes It Pretty Seriously,†Seattle Post-Intelligencer, October 23, 2002)
Franken Says Pres. Bush’s Nickname For Sen. Ted Kennedy Is “Chappy.†“FRANKEN: No. I mean, he hasn’t been watching me, so I don’t have a nickname. You know, those nicknames, the whole charm offensive is terrific, and he’s — a few of the nicknames have backfired. For example, Ted Kennedy went out in a huff after an education meeting after Bush called him Chappy.†(Transcript, “The Spin Room,†CNN, March 15, 2001)
Al Franken Joked That George Bush Didn’t Execute “Anyone Under The Age Of 14.†“Al Franken, on Joe Lieberman: “I chose him as my running mate in [my book]. I thought it was a balanced ticket, because he is an Orthodox and I am a reformed Jew. So, read the book and he wrote me back with a couple of bumper stickers for our all Jewish ticket. It was, ‘Franken and Lieberman, No Bull, No Pork’ and he had one for the angry white male voter, ‘Lox and Load.’” More Franken, on Bush: “He’s done a lot for education in Texas. Thanks to George W. Bush, now 60% of high school seniors in Texas read at a higher level than the Governor. That was not true when Ann Richards was there. … His compassionate conservatism and no kids left behind — for example; he has not executed any one under the age of 14. He cares about the kids” (“Late Show,” CBS, 8/8).†(“Media Monitor,†The Hotline, August 9, 2000)
Franken Advises People To “Drive A Big American Car†If Drunk For Their Own Safety. “’That’s not funny’ Al Franken made his sponsors, Seagram Spirits, squirm last month during his Captain Morgan for President 2000 rally in Washington’s National Press Club. It was intended to be a cute promotion for spiced rum. Mr. Franken, identifying himself as the Morgan spokesman, said: ‘I want to talk about responsible drinking. If you’re drunk but you have to drive, drive a big American car because you want to put something substantial between you and whatever you’re going to hit.’ His routine was cut short when visibly upset Seagram representatives ordered Hail to the Chief be played and emcee James Carville hustled to the microphone.†(“Social Studies: A Daily Miscellany Of Information By Michael Kersterton,†The Globe and Mail, March 3, 2000)
Franken Jokes “If I Were A Fetus, I’d Love†Gary Bauer. “Al Franken tickled liberal funny bones with his book, ‘Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot,’ but there are some things liberals don’t laugh about, including ‘choice.’ The grand opening of Palomino, a restaurant at the Ronald Reagan International Trade Center, was a benefit for the Congressional Hunger Center, which brought together ‘a crowd of earnest uber-liberals,’ according to the November issue of Capital Style magazine. The event was hosted by Rep. Tony P. Hall, Ohio Democrat, and he got his friend Al to tell a few jokes. But then Mr. Franken made this joke about conservative Republican presidential candidate Gary Bauer: ‘My friends told me, “If you were gay, you’d hate Gary Bauer.†I said, “Yeah, but if I were a fetus, I’d love him.â€â€™ The response, according to Capital Style: ‘Only the tinkling sound of silverware on china broke the silence that followed.’†(Greg Pierce, “Inside Politics,†Washington Times, November 11, 1999)
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34 Responses to “FRANKEN CLAIMS HE’S GONE “TOO FAR”; MY QUESTION: WHICH SKIT/JOKE WAS CROSSED THAT LINE?”
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September 23rd, 2008 at 11:07 AM
You’re going to wear out your copy/paste tool.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 AM
Hey look you got mentioned in the media today!
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:09 PM
If you think that Mini Moni is “the media”…
well, that explains a lot.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:31 PM
Wow! Those are supposed to be jokes? I guess only the elite folks from NY or California can grasp the nuances in each of his satirical comments on life.
One of the worst ones was:
Franken jokes about date rape. “Yeah, I screwed a girl who was vomiting once.” (“Al Franken Show,” 10.18.2006)
And this one was especially ironic, considering that Franken freely admitted to snorting cocaine when he worked on SNL.
Franken Compared Ronald Reagan To A Crack Dealer. “The shocking thing about crack is how fast the addiction runs its course. It’s not unusual for alcoholics to take 20 or 30 years to hit bottom. Cocaine addicts take maybe a couple of years. Crack, a form of cocaine, usually is a matter of months. The Reagan Administration has been the crack of our nation’s debt addiction. And Ronald Reagan, the crack dealer.” (Al Franken Op-Ed, “Addictions And Mr. Reagan,” The New York Times, July 19, 1988)
It is difficult to believe there are some Minnesota voters who admire this pathetic individual.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:31 PM
Aaron, how do Lorne Michaels’ political contributions change the fact that Al Franken helped write a disgusting attack on John McCain?
Can you say non sequitor?
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 PM
Setting aside Franken’s role for a moment, how was the attack disgusting?
John Mccain has been running ads that have even been dismissed by Karl Rove as being inaccurate portrayals of the facts.
John Mccain has run a disgusting campaign, I will give you that, but to claim that SNL had anything to do with changing the tone is laughable.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:38 PM
I’m glad posts like these get all six MDE regular commenters all fired up.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:38 PM
anybody listened to rush today? the gaffe machine, biden, has really come off the rails, as follows (newer gaffes, followed by a few of the oldies, but goodies):
1. biden says no new coal plants. bho campaign said comments taken out of context. unfortunately for bho, biden’s comments were on youtube and that is exactly what he said that any new coal plants should be build in china, but none here. this despite bho running ads saying we should more coal plants.
2. biden says aig should not have been bailed out despite bho saying we should.
3. biden says fdr got on tv when the market crashed in 1929. of course there was no tv and there was no president fdr.
4. biden told a paraplegic man to get out of his wheelchair and standup (guess he forgot the messiah wasn’t present to cure the man).
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 PM
Barak Obama has been running ads that have even been dismissed by FactCheck.org, The Washington Post, New York Times and others as being inaccurate portrayals of the facts.
Barak Obama, EEOC candidate, has run a disgusting campaign, I will give you that, but to claim that John McCain had anything to do with changing the tone is laughable.
From the Washington Post:
“Obama has descended to similarly scurrilous tactics on the stump and on the air. On immigration, Obama is running a Spanish-language ad that unfairly lumps McCain together with Rush Limbaugh — and quotes Limbaugh out of context. …
Obama has been furthest out of line, however, on Social Security, stooping to the kind of scare tactics he once derided.
“If my opponent had his way, the millions of Floridians who rely on it would have had their Social Security tied up in the stock market this week,” Obama said Saturday as he campaigned in that retiree-heavy state. “Millions of families would’ve been scrambling to figure out how to give their mothers and fathers, their grandmothers and grandfathers, the secure retirement that every American deserves.”
This is simply false — even leaving aside the incendiary language about “privatizing” Social Security. As the invaluable FactCheck.org noted, the private account plan suggested by President Bush and backed by McCain would not have applied to anyone born before 1950. It would not have changed benefits by a single penny for current retirees like the nice Florida folks that Obama was trying to rile up. …
Obama’s ads on Social Security are equally misleading. “Cutting benefits in half, risking Social Security on the stock market,” it warns. “The Bush-McCain privatization plan. Can you really afford more of the same?”
Cutting benefits in half? As FactCheck notes, “this is a rank misrepresentation.” …
To Democrats who worry about whether their nominee is willing to do whatever it takes to win: You can calm down.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 PM
Bark Obama, EEOC candidate, has run a dishonest, racist campaign, based on fear and smear.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:48 PM
Well, some of that goes too far.
But when he said “Republicans are shameless dicks”, he wasn’t going too far – because as ansel, Chestnut, and Jackof prove, it’s true.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:09 PM
When he said “Republicans are shameless dicks”, he may not have been “going too far”, but he did reinforce the argument that he is unfit to represent Minnesota in the United States Senate.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:33 PM
Speaking of gaffes, what about Obama a couple of Sundays ago with George Stephanopolous(sp), when Obama referred to “practicing his Muslim faith” and George had to interrupt him with “you mean your Christian faith”. When will he come clead and stop the lying and let us know who he really is. He has been on the national scene for over four years and his story changes almost every day. Sarah Palin has been on the nationalk scene for lees that four weeks and we know more about her that Obama. Try as hard as they may, the democrats have not been able to come up with a single scandle in her background.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:07 PM
Only, Troy, if you agree D*ck (cheney)in’ Cheney tellin’ a senator, in the senate:
“Hey! Senator!! Go (cheney) yourself!!!”
means that D*ck (cheney)in’ Cheney is unfit to be VPOUS.
Because unless you agree with that, you’re just another (cheney)in’ republiCon hypocrite when it comes to Franken.
Well, and probably a shameless dick, too.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:08 PM
“Try as hard as they may, the democrats have not been able to come up with a single scandle in her background.”
Thank you for proving, once again, that republiCons simply cannot be trusted to tell the truth.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:43 PM
jbenson2 wrote:”Franken jokes about date rape. “Yeah, I screwed a girl who was vomiting once.†(â€Al Franken Show,†10.18.2006)”
Do you have any more information on this? Was he telling a story about himself, or was it said in some sort of a skit, in the voice of a character? It certainly makes a difference, don’t you think?
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:53 PM
Barbara, bootlickers like jbenson2 don’t “think”; they “bootlick.”
On command.
In a sick way, it’s really rather impressive….
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:44 PM
I can continue living! Tommy again used “bootlick” in his post.
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:55 PM
since Tommy Johnson is a liar who doesn’t care about the truth and likes to write swear words what he writes is worthless and doesn’t promote the Democrats who he wants elected.
so what if they are loaded with corruption such as fannie mae. They were the ones who blocked 12 efforts by the Bush administration to reform fannie mae and than blame him. The first witnesses that should have testified at Christopher Dodd’s hearing today should’ve been Christopher Dodd.
Walter Hanson
Minneapolis, MN
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:12 PM
Before you are tempted to respond to Cheeto boy’s assinine spew, take a moment to consider that he shares a blog (â€mnblueâ€) with the other two biggest blithering idiots in the Sorosphere.
And that, my friends, is saying something.
Tom Johnson, Eric Pussy and Grace Kelly are the Three Stooges of political blogs. They are to be laughed at, not engaged.
The best that can be said is that at least the other two dolts are smart enough to stay safely inside their own little rubber room, but Cheeto boy can’t help but take his asshat dance on the road.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:55 PM
“Before you are tempted to respond to Scrotee’s assinine spew, take a moment to consider that he blogs all alone (something about being restrained) because he’s the biggest blithering idiot in the RightWingO’Verse.
And that, my friends, is saying something.
Tom Swift posted a link to full-frontal male nudity here on MDE. He’s a pathetically sick man and is to be pitied.
The best that can be said is that at least nobody goes to Scrotee’s blog where insane rantings about moonbat pelts abound. Unfortunately, Scrotee can’t help but take his asshat dance on the road.”
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 PM
Here , I fixed it for ya!.
“The best that can be said is that at least nobody goes to Flounders blog where insane rantings about self absorbed importance abound. Unfortunately, Flounder can’t help but take his libtard dance on the road.â€
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 PM
Swiftee has the best comments ever. It’s comment gold.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 PM
Well, Aaron – just be careful when opening Scrotee’s links.
It might be “junk”, if ya
know what Scrotee likes….er, ‘scuse me, “know what I mean.”September 23rd, 2008 at 11:15 PM
[...] Read More [...]
September 24th, 2008 at 7:00 AM
Tommy Johnson said:
“Because unless you agree with that, you’re just another (cheney)in’ republiCon hypocrite when it comes to Franken.
Well, and probably a shameless dick, too.”
Your particular take on the Cheney verses Franken situations is a laugh riot, Tommy Johnson, and more a reflection of what you have chosen to believe, despite context, and despite what is real.
The ever present name calling at the end puts a point on it: you are probably too immature to be taken seriously. And, seriously, I don’t.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:39 AM
Nobody actually gives a (cheney) what a bootlicker like you thinks, Troy.
Well, except for your fellow bootlickers, who – like you – think “Dittos, Rush!” is political commentary.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Before you are tempted to respond to Cheeto boy’s assinine spew, take a moment to consider that he shares a blog (â€mnblueâ€) with the other two biggest blithering idiots in the Sorosphere.
And that, my friends, is saying something.
Tom Johnson, Eric Pussy and Grace Kelly are the Three Stooges of political blogs. They are to be laughed at, not engaged.
The best that can be said is that at least the other two dolts are smart enough to stay safely inside their own little rubber room, but Cheeto boy can’t help but take his asshat dance on the road (he thinks we’re laughing *with him*!).
September 24th, 2008 at 11:48 AM
“(he thinks we’re laughing *with him*!).”
“we’re”? Speak for yourself, boy. Stand up like ya own a pair.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:46 AM
[...] post by Minnesota Democrats Exposed Filed under: Youth [...]
October 22nd, 2008 at 4:31 AM
[...] franken claims he’s gone “too farâ€; my question: which skit/joke … franken jokes about technical college students as “nation’s future air conditioner repairmen†living “useless lives.†“he speaks hundreds of times a year to corporate groups, trade associations, and his favorite assignments, … [...]
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:40 AM
[...] franken claims he’s gone “too farâ€; my question: which skit/joke … (amy argetsinger and roxanne roberts, “the reliable source,†washington post, december 11, 2005). franken suggests republicans are racist. “i’m not saying that all republicans are racist or that all racists are republicans. that would … [...]
October 26th, 2008 at 8:06 AM
[...] franken claims he’s gone “too farâ€; my question: which skit/joke … “today is yom kippur and according to the talmud, jews are supposed to spend today atoning for their sins, reflecting on matters of the soul and avoiding all work and even contact with any machinery. however, the talmud also notes that … [...]
April 9th, 2010 at 6:40 PM
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